A “super nutrient” for your child’s brain
I love it when modern science reveals “secrets” that ancient cultures knew for thousands of years.
For example, yesterday I wrote about how Inuits living in the Arctic Circle use a very nurturing and gentle approach to parenting in order to raise emotionally healthy and resilient children.
One of their core parenting philosophies is “no yelling” — not to get angry at kids when they misbehave, but instead try to figure out what the problem is and then help their children solve the real problems causing their behavior.
Today I was reading through my interview with Dr. Jean Clinton, a clinical professors specializing in child psychiatry and behavioral neurosciences at McMaster University.
She focuses a lot of her work on brain development, and when I spoke to her she said:
Well, a lot of what I do, I’m informed by what we’ve learned about how the brain develops. And what we know about the brain is that relationships, loving our kids, is a super nutrient for the brain.
It’s far more important to focus on connecting with your kids before you correct them. When they feel felt by you, you know, that real sense of “I’m seen, I’m valued,” then that love is what builds brains.
But it is not just “Love, love, love. You can do whatever you like.” Not at all. We have great evidence from the research that kids need limits. Kids need boundaries. So, my mantra is, “be kind, be firm, be fair.”
And so that’s all about love. That’s all about helping them learn what’s in bounds and out of bounds in a loving, natural way.
Dr. Jean Clinton
Here’s the thing: just like many ancient cultures have known for thousands of years, the latest neuroscience and brain development studies are showing that the best way to help our children develop is to connect with them, not to punish them.
That’s because children learn best when they feel secure, and they feel secure when they feel connected to the people most important in their lives — you.
Like Dr. Clinton said, love is a super nutrient for their brain development.
In my interview with her, she explains how to help build your child’s emotional competence and capacity by becoming a “stress detective” to find out the real reason for your child’s bad behavior instead of yelling or getting mad.
