Funny Valentines Day Quotes for your beloved ones…
Valentines day is all about to bring smile on face of beloved one, We at explore quotes have collected few funny valentines quotes which will help you express your feelings on this great day, share our funny valentines day quotes and show your love for whom you care for.
Love is a grave mental disease. -Plato
Love wouldn’t be blind if the Braille weren’t so damned much fun.
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.
Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. -Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.
Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. -Peter Ustinov
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you’re holding is a half eaten sandwich. Violet Matters
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. -Jacques Deval
Love is like playing bridge, if you don’t have a good partner, it’s good to at least have a good hand.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -A. Whitney Brown
After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.
Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? -Anonymous
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah
I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. -Jacques Deval
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.-Erich Segal
He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, “he loves me!” And he thought, “wow this sidewalk is icy!”
Love wouldn’t be blind if the Braille weren’t so damned much fun. -Anonymous
I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.
If there’s no love in the world,… let’s make some.
People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. — Alen
I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I’d just love to punch right in the face!
Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. -Hoosier Farmer
Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house. -Anonymous
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? -Anonymous
In the morning I can’t eat, I’m thinking of you. In the evening I can’t eat, I’m thinking of you. In the night I can’t sleep.. I’m so hungry!
When you fall, I will be there to catch you — With love, the floor.
Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. -Jules Renard
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I’m scared!
Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.-Jay Leno
There’s a funny thing about love, and it’s called everything. Thankfully, some of our favorite comedians can relate, and we found the love quotes to prove it. Not only are these funny love quotes and love beautiful, they’re totally spot on.
My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.
The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it.
Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is. -Anonymous
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. Henry Kissinger
Falling in love is so hard on the knees. -Aerosmith
Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing. -Jonathon Swift
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let’s swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me?
Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone. -Lewis Black
Happy Valentine’s Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you’re probably alone. Valentine’s Day is often times a, well, it’s a manufactured day that really doesn’t mean anything. -Jon Stewart
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to. -Rita Rudner
I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. -Anonymous
I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. -Garry Shandling
Valentine’s Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. -David Letterman
“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” — Russell Brand
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” — Natasha Leggero
“I’m now making a Jewish porno film. 10 percent sex, 90 percent guilt.” — Henny Youngman
I slipped on a banana peel and I fell in love with the person who helped me up.
Someone told me you are the worst kisser in the world… want to show me it’s not true?
We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
Beer is proof God Loves us and wants us to be happy.
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” — Jerry Seinfeld
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx
“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” — Woody Allen
“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” — Fran Lebowitz
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.” — Richard Pryor
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock
“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.” — Johnny Carson
“My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.” — Elayne Boosler
“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.” — Ray Romano
“I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.” — Jack Benny
“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” — Unknown
“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” — Billy Crystal
“Women love a self-confident bald man.” — Larry David
“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” — Bill Maher
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” — Jackie Mason
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck
Originally published at happyvalentinesday.explorequotes.com on December 30, 2015.
