Why Pity is Just as Bad

Tom van Dessel
Aug 27, 2017 · 3 min read

One of the most reliable ways of destroying my mood after a good cup of coffee and a morning spent writing, is a train filled to the brim. With my nose literally in my book and people all around me I get irritated by the smallest instances, just like everyone else. People to my left and right sigh, groan and frown whenever the smallest physical touch occurs, even by accident. This is what you get when you put people too close together. Annoyance and frustration colour an intimate relationship enough, let alone a stranger on a train.

The train stops at a station. I want to be able to get out at the next stop without elbowing my way to the exit, so I don’t want to give up my spot at the door too much. The doors slide open with the familiar hissing of hydraulic systems, and in front of the already full train is another group of people who want to get on. One of the people in the waiting group is a handicapped boy. His legs look like a Z, bent by his knees. Before he takes the first step to get on the train someone reaches for him with a hand. He looks at it, but rejects.

Why would you not accept help? It’s a human thing to try and help other people, right? You see someone who has more trouble with something than you do, with your healthy body, and you try to give them a helping hand so that it’s a little easier. In the moment I thought the boy was rude and ungrateful.

The man who offered the hand pulls it back slightly confused and watches the boy analyse how he can best tackle this challenge. Everyone on the train has caught on what happened at the door and looks at the boy. He doesn’t mind. For him there is only one goal, and that is to climb these stairs.

After a few seconds he finds a way that allows him to, seemingly, tackle the stairs the easiest, even though I wouldn’t dare try this myself under the close supervision of a crowd. The first step is easy, the second less so. It looks like he is about to fall and a watchful lady places her hand on his back. He retakes control with the support and pulls himself up by a metal bar on the side and onto the train.

The boy looks for a spot in between the crowd and settles, comically enough, next to the man who had attempted to help him. The man looks at him as if he’s offended and taken aback. They make eye-contact and the boy offers his left hand. The man doubts taking it, but accepts this friendly offer. Nothing personal.

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Tom van Dessel

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