pizza girl

I haven’t told you about the dates I’ve gone on recently. One was short and we never spoke again. She was different in person and her voice was funny. I love a funny voice, it can be an asset, but I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the patterns of her dialect. It was like…. millennial… hipster… thing. I dunno. She was super into film and podcasting and stuff and was really cool but maybe not for me?

There was also a woman who I am trying to see again who I kind of like but I am going to wait on updating you about that one until I get more information about how it’s developing. It is in process.

Today I want to tell you about pizza girl. We were messaging a lot about musicals and Hamilton and she seemed normal enough so I accepted her request to make plans to actually meet. I suggested pizza because whatever else happens, at least I will eat pizza. This was last Tuesday. I had worked from home that day because I had to take my cat to the vet during the afternoon. Something about walking with a stressed out cat in a cat carrier a few blocks also stressed me out. And also I was feeling fat and sad and tired and like the girl mentioned above maybe didn’t like me which made me feel vulnerable and unlovable. And now I was going to go on a date with pizza girl who likes musicals and I started noticing all of the thoughts I was having on the subway, staring up at the stupid subway ads above the handrail, and was like acutely aware of how much I didn’t want to be going on this date. And I remember thinking “Maybe I can cancel. Maybe I can just say, sorry, I can’t come because I am very sad and am feeling incredibly unimpressive today. Maybe I can go to Trader Joe’s after this. Is that couple fighting?” The inside of my head is very boring.

I decided that at the pizza place I would get RC because that would make me feel better and perk me up.

I waited for her and eventually she found me. She had come in and sat down at the bench instead of coming all the way in to look for me. I felt bad for making her wait, like, I should have just told her I was seated. But we found each other and talked about our jobs mostly. And New York. And then politics. We determined we are both voting for Hillary Clinton and that Donald Trump is a psychopath. She was very nice and good to talk to and it made me feel better about the date. It made me think she would be a very nice person to settle with if I wanted to stop looking for a constructed idea of “the one.”

I paid and she said she would get me a drink next time. We left and walked towards Belmont where I would take the red line and she would walk home. We side hugged and she said, I owe you a drink.

I have been more infatuated after one date than I was with her, like it was not love at first site. She seemed like a practical choice rather than visceral instinctual emotional choice. Like she seemed totally fine and nice. and smart and good to talk to. Actually, writing this out makes me think I should text her and make plans, so there ya go.