time travel

i know it isn’t possible. but every time i think of you, part of me wishes and hopes i can go back in time.

i didn’t understand myself back then. i was confused and angry and sad and so many things. you saw everything i was. i shared everything i was with you and i still said no.

i don’t think i’ll ever understand why i did it. everything i felt for you was so strong but i thought “just not in that way.”

god, was i wrong. so very fucking wrong.

it’s been four years. you’ve moved on several times. now you seem happier with her than i’ve ever seen you.

i haven’t moved on once. failed attempt after failed attempt because none of them are you. none of them make me feel like i’m not everything i thought i was, everything i think i am. four years and i’m afraid it will be like this for a long time to come.

if i could go back in time i’d say yes. i’d say yes so loudly and passionately. i’d say yes over and over and over and over. i’d say yes until my throat bled and then i’d say yes again.

i’ll never get the opportunity to say yes to you. i’m never going to travel back in time. you’re never going to ask me again. all i can hope for is that one day i’ll feel that same fire for someone else and be given the chance to say yes.

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