While I do understand how you feel in some respects; Just as everyone’s transition is their own. Everyone’s need to reclaim or not certain terms is their own as well.
I sympathize and empathize with what you have gone though because of transmysogynistic slurs.
Whether or not she shares the same privileges as you is beside the point. You can be angry that she titled the book something or you can try to understand why a person might have titled it just so.
Money, no matter how much you have will never insulate you from hatred, be it racism, misogyny, or any thing else.
You can however learn how to accept or not what people will put in your path.
I have been confronted by everything you have listed.. I am a person of color. My unemployment has been going on for nearly a decade.
You can choose to dwell in and feed on the anxiety and hatred they would serve you.. Or you can look those people right in the eyes and refuse to take the shame they want to shove down our throats.
Nothing is safe for transfeminine people. What will always lessen your danger is your brain and how you choose to use it. Keep yourself safe, Self care is a radical act. But don’t take any shit either.
As for what is and is not for the privileged.. Everything depends on perspective. I know for a fact that I have no right or reason to ever use the n-word. I have no interest in using it either.. On the other hand, I have no reason to believe that Laura Jane Grace shouldn’t be able to use the term in question to empower herself OR to confront the ignorant with why they shouldn’t use it.
To put it simply. You feel that because of your privilege you shouldn’t use the term. Then don’t. Don’t however assume you know why or why not other people shouldn’t use it for their own empowerment or the education of others. If you don’t like it. Don’t use it. You may share a lot of things with Laura Jane Grace, the one thing you do NOT share is their entire life experience.