Right at this moment and in fact every other moment that has ever or will ever pass, millions of people all around the world are throwing up. The other day Lilly and I were talking about how many people we’ve made out with, and I’ve made out with way less people than I’ve ever seen throw up. That sounds weird at first until you realize it’s way harder to convince someone to make out with you than it is to get them to throw up.

I’ve sat on tiny bathroom floors and held peoples hair behind their neck, I’ve pulled to the side of the road so people could run into a ditch and bend over in private. One time on the bus some dude head butted a window that wouldn’t open so he could puke all over Castro street. Sick people running down hallways too late, drunk people walking down the street, me people sitting on the edge of a cliff singing ‘You Deserve It’ by Future in between heaves. Grown men hunched over their beds after surgery, hacking up brown and yellow bile into a purple bowl while you stand there not sure what you’re supposed to do, you’ve never had to do this before.

Everyone always apologizes.

At first it seemed like a strange thing to apologize for, it’s not like anyone chooses to lose control of their insides at any given time. But as life goes on, forever, you begin to notice that people apologize constantly for everything outside of their control. ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry’ is proven wrong by millions of people every day.

Here is a short list of things people have apologized for:

  • Running over my foot
  • The soup is too hot
  • Word vomit, as seen in the hit 2004 film Mean Girls
  • We’re late to dinner
  • Throwing my birthday cake in the toilet
  • Crashing into my bike and sending me into a cactus
  • Bringing Sprite when they asked for Root Beer
  • Not being in love with me
  • Rubbing someone’s back too far to the left
  • Apologizing too much

Maybe ‘Love’ with a capital L is constantly saying you’re sorry. That the essence of being alive is constantly apologizing for every thing that causes your life to collide with someone else’s, all the events big and small that you could never and will never be able to control, the complete chaos that makes up ‘being alive’ in the first place. Someone once told me saying ‘Sorry’ meant that you won’t do something again, but as time goes on it feels more and more like saying ‘Sorry’ just means that you’re sorry, and ‘I won’t do that again’ is what means you won’t do something again. Like saying ‘sorry’ is for comforting the person doing the apologizing, and the rest of us are left dealing with what’s already happened.

We are all sorry, none of us meant for any of this to happen. But it always has and it always will. Life uh… finds a way.

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