What Does a Free Lunch Get You?

Ezra Gonzalez
Aug 9, 2017 · 11 min read

There isn’t really such a thing as a “free lunch”…Right?

Working in sales has some perks. I have vendors seeking my audience all the time. They buy me gifts, treat me to meals, and tell me that their only intention is to support me. They often call me out on my age and limited experience in the industry, and try to leverage that as a back-handed means to position themselves as a “partner” who can help me elevate my game as a successful dealer — something only they can help me achieve.

For a while, three things filled my mind when these vendors approached me, sweet like honey and with offerings of knowledge and resources. First, my head swelled up with pride — thinking that I could make a difference and be their “hero”. Here I am, a young aspiring salesman at a big dealership with a fancy brand name plastered on the wall, sticking a finger up at “big brother” because I’m going to challenge the status quote and work with these “little” brand guys. Second, I was naive. I told myself that relationships are all that matters, and I thought that all I have to worry about is making sure I don’t piss anybody off and that would be enough. Third, I thought that I was the s***. I don’t mean hubris in this case, but I really lied to myself as if my own s*** smelled of daisies. I’ll tell you right now — I’ve since realized that I’ve been horribly mistaken.

At this point, I hope you have your “perspective hat” on — because I’ve started writing this story by acknowledging my biases. The reason I’ve done this is so that you can see how I take the next steps towards elevating my work game. I like to say that once you can recognize a bias, you’ll see just how much you’ve “plateaued”. Then you can start looking for new perspectives until you find a new path that leads to greater heights. The three points in the last paragraph are the balloons that took my head up into the clouds, and the next few examples show how I’ve popped them in hopes of staying grounded.

  1. Pride. The proverbial Achilles-heel of youth.

There’s a reason they say, “don’t bite the hand that feeds.” This may come as a shock to you, but it means that being loyal makes you phat (the “good” kind of fat — see what I did there?). Don’t get me wrong, loyalty has its bounds and good business is good business; but when you have really “big” partners that stand behind you, then you really do owe it to them to respect your roots. It’s like being a teammate that respects his coach and earns “captain” after a winning season, instead of being the guy that’s table-topped at every practice. #Sports.

When I started my most recent sales position, I had access to a company that spent millions of dollars in research, a staff of about 5+ dedicated people with a collective 50 years’ worth of experience, and premium-grade product that’s got every gold sticker in the book plastered on it.

Guess where pride took me…

Late nights studying product I didn’t understand. An incompetent staff of — ME. Product with websites that look as bad as a grown man’s mom coming to fight his battles — telling him to hold her purse. Trying to figure things out on my own stressed me out to no end and I was getting nowhere. I had nights where I wanted to throw my chair out the window and lie on the ground in an empty office. For an uncomfortable period of time, I felt alone and helpless. I actually worried that I wouldn’t ever find a way to get through my work or meet damning deadlines. I questioned if the job I had was really the right one for me, and if I even belonged there…

I wish that I could tell you about some pivotal moment that sparked a light at the end of my depressing tunnel. The truth is, I stumbled upon the light that’s reignited my fire to keep going. I work in furniture, so I came up with an analogy on my own that I’m very proud of, and it goes a little something like this:

Sometimes you find yourself in a dark room, and all you can do is get a few bumps and bruises to find out where the furniture is.

It may not be the most poetic analogy, and I know its a mouthful, but it works for me. It describes exactly how I feel whenever I hit an emotional roadblock. Honestly, ever since I changed my tune from doing things on my own steam, I haven’t had any trouble at work anymore. My morale is up, my energy is consistent, and I feel encouraged by my teammates — through wins and losses — through projects small and large. All I did was start asking for help from the homies that had my back from day one. I’m lucky that I didn’t feel like I was swallowing a humility-pill, but I can see how that might be the case for some of you reading this article. Whatever position you find yourself in— if you’re sticking it to the man out of pride and not out of quantifiable reasons— I’d encourage you to at least try to open your mind to the man’s help before you lock in your judgment. Save yourself the frustration and learn from the benefit of their mistakes and experiences.

“Ari?” My father’s voice was soft. “Ari, Ari, Ari. You’re fighting this war in the worst possible way.”

“I don’t know how to fight it, Dad.”

“You should ask for help,” he said.

“I don’t know how to do that, either.”
Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

From here on out, I’m focusing on getting help from the partners that really matter. I’m going to stay loyal to the people who’ve respected me enough to train me and to the companies that have literally equipped me with every tool I need to be successful. I’ve closed more business, and with greater ease, ever since I stepped off my little 2" pedestal. When I’ve put in the work to find my niche, and earned a little more merit, then I’ll start branching out to bigger things.

Before I finish up this point, I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you that working on my own still taught me tremendous value that I couldn’t get from “big brother”. By comparison, if I looked for the knowledge I gained on my own by using “big brother”, I’d have been scheduled weeks later (delaying my growth) and I would have been left twirling my thumbs a little more frequently (*insert management’s suspicious gaze here*). The biggest takeaways I got from trying to do things on my own include the following:

  • I still made great relationships with vendor partners outside of “big brother” that can still serve as additional support in case I’m not getting what I need right away.
  • I’ve found creative ways to find solutions for my clients that “big brother” may not always be able to provide.
  • I’m equipped with hardcore product knowledge that makes me a better resource to my clients. It also helps me “talk shop” to find the best deals and savvy ways to win new business.
  • I’m content with the personal satisfaction of knowing that I am capable of working hard and self-starting, and that I don’t have to be so hard on myself when I realize that I need to pause and ask for help.

2. Naivete. Sorting filler-content from valuable-content.

“Hey Ezra, I know that your time is valuable, and I don’t want to keep you. Since you’re so busy, and because I value your time so much, why don’t I treat you to lunch?”

UGH — my biggest pet peeve is when I’m told that my time is valuable.

I used to eat it up when people would say it to me. I’d think, “Wow, they’re being really considerate of me!” Call me idealistic, but I can see now that everyone’s time is valuable. I don’t say it to anyone unless I’m really emotionally compelled to say it (because then I’ll really mean it). That expression has fast become a turn-off for me, and I sometimes hate myself when I say it to people. As true as the expression is, I‘m starting to notice the difference between a trendy buzzword with empty intentions and a genuine person with wholesome intentions. The reason “I know your time is valuable” bothers me so much is that I now see through “filler words”. I mean, it’s either that or the fact that every vendor presentation I sit through rattles that phrase off — and a huge chunk of my job depends on attending these presentations.

Before I go on, let me make clear that I am not opposed to kind words, sweet talk, and a “free” meal. Please be nice to me. I just don’t like when anybody stoops to cheap B.S. for my attention — please be straight up with me. If a vendor asks me to lunch these days, I challenge their content first to determine if the time will be most valuable to me — or I’ll at least schedule a 15min call for a more “bullet-point” chat later.

Personally, this is a subject matter that I’m still working on. I’ll bullet-point a few observations below since most of my thoughts are fragmented.

  • Lunch isn’t really free, because it costs my attention. I have to be respectful and I owe my attention to whatever business talk my host is sharing with me. There’s a time and place for lunch-and-learns, so I need to be extra mindful of my hosts’ time when I decide to meet with them. I need to make sure that when I accept a meeting, that I’ll be fully present and not watching the clock or checking my phone.
  • My time really is valuable, and a time-suck like lunch with a vendor isn’t always valuable to me (see bullet point above). Now that I have a relatively consistent deal-flow, I dread being taken away from my more focused work unless my host has some real unsolicited value they believe I need to hear.
  • I hate suck-ups. Ironically, one of my closest vendor partners tells me that he knows my time is valuable all the time, and it bugs the heck out of me. It bugs me about as much as my boss hates being called “boss”, but I call him that anyway. Funny how things come full-circle…

When I started working in sales, I needed to take as many meetings as possible and learn from everyone who was willing to share. I was so green, such a blank canvas, that I needed to meet with anyone willing to bring me up to speed in my industry. I thought that if I was nice to people and friends with everyone then I would have no trouble getting ahead of the competition.

It’s a noble endeavor, but sadly misinformed.

While my intentions were good, my mindset was off. Thankfully, these intentions still set the stage for an open-mindedness that taught me a really important lesson.

You can’t please everyone.

That doesn’t mean you have to burn bridges or draw harsh lines in the sand, but it does mean that you have to stay focused on the partners that you believe will be a solid foundation for the future. I don’t mean to put the others down; it’s just meant to highlight the ones that build you up.

3. Honesty. It goes two ways — towards others, and yourself.

My client list is quickly growing after a few dry months to start the year, but I’m still ranked far near the bottom of my company’s Murder Board (that’s what I like to call a Sales Revenue Ranking Table).

At work, I’m on a niche team that’s a subset of the greater sales-team. It was demoralizing to see myself at the bottom of such a long sales-team list, so I pretended to be at the top of our little niche-team’s list. That was fun until I got knocked down to number 2. Blown out, really. There’s a lot of time left in the year, but that’s not what’s important right now ;)

What’s important about this point is that we can fool ourselves into thinking in circles, and lose sight of the bigger picture. The big picture is that I work on a team, and healthy competition is a good thing, but dishonesty about my own performance metrics will only hurt me. (Side note — my pride was hurt, silly, right?).

I’m glad that I’ve been humbled early in my career by something so petty, especially since no one knew what I was doing until now that I’ve written this. Truth is, my team will lovingly laugh at me about this. I’ll love them all the same when they do, because I’m still at the bottom of the company’s Murder Board, and I know that I want to be at the top. I know that I want them to succeed as much as I want to win, and I trust that our team has the dynamic that will support everyone’s wins without putting any weight on “rankings”. Watching leader-boards is a win-less game, and is best left avoided (unless it drives you internally — then go for it — and stay humble).

I’ll close this story with a moment I shared with a Senior Sales Person who I look up to with great respect. He’s an old dog, and I like to believe that if I can adapt his mindset, or create a likeness to his perspective, then I can learn his timeless lessons sooner in my youth. I was new to the company at the time, and I was sitting at a table for lunch in our plaza/break-room. The table was counter-height and he’s over 6' tall, so he hunched a little to lean against the table.

“EZ!!” he greeted me.

“Hey, ***”

“Are you going to the Sales Awards Dinner next week?”

“Absolutely, I look forward to seeing the accomplishments you’ve all had this year.”

“I hate it.”

…I didn’t know what to say (I kinda wanted to laugh too). He read my blank face, and continued…

“Seriously, these awards dinners make me uncomfortable. I don’t accomplish any of those things without my team, and I don’t exactly get to bring them up with me when only sales people attend the event.”

“That’s really cool”, I said.

“I only cared about these awards for my dad. When he was alive, I used to like ‘earning’ them for him. He’s gone now though, so any trophies I get will probably just end up in the trash.”

This guy’s humility knows no bounds, and I am always pleased to chat with him. It makes me feel special too when he seeks me out. He’ll occasionally walk over to my desk and say hi, or stop by the library when I’m there looking for samples. I’ll always make time for him, and he’s taught me a lot of humbling lessons in the year that I’ve known him.

If you take anything away from this story, I hope you’ll understand how important humility is. Whether you’re checking yourself (pride), soliciting feedback (help), or practicing self-awareness (perspective), don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. Stay motivated on your career goals, and get to work. Everything takes time to build — hours of training and years of practice. Get your head in the game, put in the work, and you’ll get to…exactly where you need to be.

Ezra Gonzalez

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Adventures are my specialty.

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