Letting Go

You made me believe into something that is real. That is normal. And the most painful that it’s real love. My heart now longs for the words and your response to our little talks that I thought I am not capable of achieving. The small actions from you made me realize that I can have fun and be in love even with the judgement from the eyes around us. All this time I just know that it’s normal and okay. For the first time I felt what everyone in our age are experiencing that somehow it makes me feel complete. But it’s not. It was all a lie.

I know I should be blaming myself for this. But the reality is that I made myself believe that pursuing you is a lifetime goal for me. To do it even if there’s already someone waiting for you. That there’s already someone hoping you could work out something the both of you have even with the distance. A lot of relationships that I have with my friends were somehow broken because I fought for what I believe is right. There’s something that ignites inside of me the fulfillment that something between us could happen after all the years of just looking and hoping of a chance to be with you.

Let me go. Let me fall back to myself. Let me go back to the person who knows himself. Someone who knows his purpose. Let me move on.

Many would say that time could heal the wounds and memories of the past. In many ways it’s right but not completely. I thought that replacing you could be the answer but still I’m wrong. Being busy with new things and with academics but it’s not even close. I’ve realized that being faithful is the answer. Being faithful to my season and identity.

Convincing myself that everything happens for a reason is a key. That every mistake that comes along with it is inevitable and necessary for one to grow which is also right. But finally knowing my season at this moment in my lifetime and never letting the future and past haunt me is important above else. That there is a timing for everything. Forcing it won’t make me enjoy and maximize it but could only complicate it.

And my identity. My purpose. That I’m slave to words and actions from a person is never the reason I am alive here in this world. I am someone’s creation and I am loved. I have a greater future ahead of me that my mind couldn’t even comprehend right now. All my life I believe that I have to work hard for everything just to be happy but He made me realize that it’s not like that anymore. Real love doesn’t work that way but it’s about trusting the One who truly loves me and who gave himself for me.

Live a life worth remembering and trust the One who personally wrote only for you.