Thanks for your description of your spiritual journey. I am a grateful recovering catholic — over the wall at 14. Catholicism seemed an ugly power trip. I have studied many religions, Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism,Taoism, and more. I went to the final darshan of Meher Baba in India.
Now I am a committed agnostic. An agnostic, to my mind, is not just a hair splitting fence sitter who can’t come to a decision. Dante had a special place in the Inferno for those who sat on the fence. Agnostics practice a honest search for truth. We refuse to live in illusion. The ultimate truth is beyond human understanding. Only pure hubris tells us we can really understand reality.
But if “god” is anything, it must be truth. Agnostics seek it