Finding your voice

lost20something.com

Finding your voice as a person, as a writer, as a female, are often given as advise. You are capable! You just haven’t found your voice just yet. You are a great writer but your tone isn’t really right. I need to hear your voice. Use your voice. Your voice should be unique.

I, for one have heard that often. But do you ever just stand still for a sec and think about what that means? “Finding a voice” is implying that it was lost or you never had one to begin with. By agreeing to find your voice we are actually agreeing with them telling us we never had one. We do. Everyone does.

How does one even find his or hers voice? How does one never have one?

The only time you didn’t have a voice is when you stayed quite when really, you had a lot to say. You censored yourself. Scared to offend. You didn’t say what you wanted to because of another person. You played the part of the quite wallflower not because that’s who you are but because you were worried about what they might think.

But baby girl, prison is a sentence. Don’t sentence yourself.

You don’t need to find your voice because you always had it. They aren’t the ones that need to understand you. You need to understand you. It’s a process. You will have days feeling like you figured it all out and you can take on the world. But then there are days you are just not there yet. Somedays it will feel like one step forward 10 steps back. Those days are normal. Everyone has them. The focus shouldn’t be how many steps you went forward and then backwards, the point is you are moving. Moving is learning. Learning is knowledge. Knowledge means better decisions the second time or the third time around. You are allowed to make mistakes.

If you can’t express your feelings, opinions, thoughts with the company you keep, then you need to change the company you keep. You are meant to be a mess when you are a mess. Happy when you are happy. Sad when you are sad. You are meant to feel what you feel when you feel it. Don’t ignore that. It will fester. It will keep ticking till the time bomb finally explodes.

If you don’t have supportive people around you. People who can’t handle you being authentic. You being honest to yourself and dealing with issues head on. Find better people to hangout with. But more importantly made sure that you are happy with being yourself. Be kind. Be fair. Love yourself.

There no need to look for a voice you already have.. Just use it. You already got it.

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