French kissing a cat

Illustration by Dimas Novan (Twitter/Instagram)

“So, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done in your life?” asked her Tinder date.

Pretty bold question to ask on your first date, Akari thought to herself, happened in the first hour nonetheless.

“Are you sure you want to know the answer?” she asked her date back.

“Definitely, I think it’s the best ice breaker question, and it’s also a good indicator.”

“Indicator for what?”

“For how compatible we are and…”

“And?”

“Well you know, I didn’t mean to offend you, but in case your answer is ‘cutting people into twelve parts’ or ‘strangling my Tinder date ’til he passed away’ I will immediately run away.”

“Fair enough,” Akari’s interest to this guy increased. Maybe … just maybe, he could handle her story.

“So, do you want me to go first?” he asked.

“I’ll go first, although, it’s more like a crazy hobby of mine, not one thing I did in the past just once and become a story for the rest of my life.”

“Color me interested.”

“So, I love to kiss cats.”

“That doesn’t sound too crazy.”

“I’m talking about lips-to-lips kiss, especially french, I love french kissing a cat.”

“Err … what?!” her date responded without hiding his surprise.

“You never tried it? If you feel uncomfortable with kissing a male cat, you can always try doing it with the female one.”

“Are you telling me you’ve kissed a female cat before?!”

“Both male and female, I’m pretty flexible.”

He doesn’t say anything, which is unsurprising considering such revelation doesn’t usually come up on the first date.

“It’s not that bad you know, let me tell you about the first time I french kiss my cat.”

“…”

“I was around 14 at that time, an age where you feel curious about many many things, especially … ahem … sexual stuff.

“But I have no boyfriend, so I can’t just try doing it easily, but I have my biggest love at that time. Her name was Oren, a beautiful orange cat, with a pair of shiny orange eyes.”

Her date still doesn’t respond with anything, so Akari continues.

“Seeing her beautiful eyes, I got a weird idea, I decided to borrow my mother’s red lipstick and paint my lips red, it was a mess, but I was pretty satisfied with the results.

“I picked her up as usual, and without her knowing, I quickly put my lips on hers.

“Of course she clawed out of my grips, but just in that quick moment, I felt something weird. It’s the same feeling you have when you ride merry go round the first time, no, roller coaster would be a more suitable comparison.

“Since then, I started honing my skills, so even stray cats won’t mind me kissing them…”

To her surprise, Akari noticed that her date hasn’t left her alone in the cafe just like her other previous dates.

“Are you crazy?” the man asked her with a surprised face.

“Well, you did ask about the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Why? You’re not interested to kiss a cat even after listening to my story?”

“God, no! I’m a dog person, for God’s sake!”