Your article really hit home in a positive way.
Melissa B.
62

It’s a sad truth that through illness you discover who your real friends are. I’m truly sorry to hear that through your experience no one made the cut. It’s devastating to be in that position, but perhaps it is also empowering.

When you have made it through this trial (and you will!) you get to start afresh. You’ll be more selective about who you spend your time with and won’t waste your time and energy on shallow, good time friendships.

I had a similar experience to you and now have the best friendships imaginable. I realised that much of my disappointment in previous friendships was because of the expectations I put on them, expectations that those people were not capable of delivering.

These days my approach to friendship is very different: From the outset I have no expectations whatsoever. If I enjoy someone’s company I seek out more of their company. If that is not reciprocated I move on.

I have some friends who I love dearly and who I know love me also, but I also know that they are not reliable in a crisis. That’s ok, I know it’s not personal, it’s just a limitation of their character. I could choose to abandon the friendship because of this, but then I’d be losing all the other wonderful things that their friendship provides. I’m also still willing to be there for them in a crisis, even if they cannot reciprocate in the same way. Why bother? Because despite this, they show their love and friendship in many other genuine and heartfelt ways.

This is different to people who are out and out users — I have no time for them.

Conversely, while having no expectations I have been delighted to finally find those rock solid, through thick and thin friends. True jewels who will always be with me. You will find them too, they are rare, but they are out there.

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