Why I Stopped Using My English Name

I finally updated my website domain

A few days ago, I received an email from the domain provider, telling me that my old domain “fairy.ca” is going to expire soon, with a bolded text starting with “Hello Fairy…”.

Fairy?

Yup, Fairy. This is the English name I have been using since I came to Canada. No, actually, it should be “This was the English name I had been using”. Because, I have stopped introducing myself as “Fairy” since I joined my current company.

Ok, before I tell you why I quit this name, I need to talk about WHY I took an English like this and WHY I started using it again.

My First English Name — Fairy

In China, students start to learn English in primary school, which also applied to me. I started learning English when I was in Grade 4, 10 years old. English seemed not to be an attractive subject to me, and I was not getting good results in any of the exams.

Things changed when I was in middle school. Grade 2 in middle school, I was 14 years old. We had a new English teacher, and she was such a genius that she came up with the idea that everyone should get an English name and use it in class.

Wow! An English name?

Can you image how hard it is to a 14-year-old Chinese Kid back in the late 1900s? No Internet, no smartphone.

So, I took an old-fashioned approach.

I researched in the Chinese-English dictionary to get myself an English name. As a young girl, I dreamed like everyone else did, the prince and the princess, the castle and the sword, the angel and the fairy…

Yeah! The fairy!

I didn’t even know any other deeper/hidden meaning of the word “fairy” as the limitation of that small dictionary .To me, it just meant the small beautiful and cute creature with the transparent wings flying in the forest.

Since the afternoon, I started using Fairy as my English nickname at school. Until now, I can still recall some of the English names that my classmates were using and some of them can still remember me as Fairy.

Fairy Came Back in Canada

In 2014, I came to Canada to further my education in design. It was not my first time going abroad, but it was my first time going to an English-speaking country (also French).

In my first class, I met some nice people and they all introduced themselves with an English-like name, including some pals from the same place as me. I was hesitated, and also a bit timid, so I named myself “Fairy” instead of my real name — Jingyi, because that is the only name I could think of at that moment.

People felt interesting for my name, sometimes they asked me for the reason. I was a little embarrassed as to be honest, I didn’t have one, so I could only use the pronunciation as excuse.

Probably the only reason is that I was not confident to show myself, my background, my blood openly to everyone. I didn’t want people to look at me with a different eye because of my name.

With the name Fairy, I finished my master and the connections I made during that period were all under the name Fairy. I applied for a gmail account “fairylie89@gmail.com”; I name myself “Fairy Lai” in both LinkedIn and Twitter; My first domain for my online portfolio is “fairylai.ca”… I can’t write more because I have named myself Fairy in many online platforms. And I have registered with my “fairy” email for many accounts…Things were OK as nothing serious happened to me. I’m still myself.

The only difficulty is when I need to use my Legal Name.

When dealing with banking, immigration paper, school stuff, I had to use my legal name, which resulted in some inconveniences as I had to explain to them, my name is XXX, but you can call me Fairy. Maybe to them, this sounds wired.

But it did help me in one case.

When I was a student, I worked as a part-time server in a Japanese restaurant. With the name Fairy on my name tag, many customers were curious about it and I had some nice conversations with them. It was also a good starting point for getting closer with customers.

Also this name protected me from the exposure to some potential danger by keeping my name in privacy.

Why I Quit

But it was also in that Japanese restaurant.

I noticed every Japanese staff was using his/her real name, which made me start thinking of why.

Am I afraid?

Why am I afraid?

Because of my country, because of the place I was born and raised?

NO! I love China and I’m proud of being Chinese.

It was because I was afraid of the inequity resulting from my race, my skin color and my name. I was afraid that I wouldn’t get the equal opportunity as people with a westernized name. I was afraid they would simply put my resume into the garbage bin just because they saw a typical Chinese name. I also wanted to “get into” the Canadian society so I didn’t want to be different.

But then I realized even though I can fake my first name, I can’t fake my last name. The way to get rid of inequity is not to hide from it, but to fight for it, with the real myself. I know some people took an English name as their name is not easy to pronounce, but in my case it is not that at all because my first name — Jingyi is easy and short.

Sometimes I doubt myself, why I was not confident? My Japanese friends are all using their original names here, and never think of getting an English name. Why I did that? I’m ashamed.

But I’m going to show the real myself.

I started using my real name again when I was looking for a job. I interviewed with this name though I was still using the old website “fairylai.ca”.But I was feeling much better, much relieved.

Do I need an English name? Not at all. My Chinese name is simply my “English name” by using pinyin.

There are still a lot to do . As I have been using my personal email for all kinds of stuff and I don’t want to lose all my old emails. I will keep using the “fairy” email address, just to remind myself of being proud of who I am.

But now I know, I’m Jingyi.

The Last Step

After getting that notification for the expiry of my domain, I registered a new one with my real name — jingyi.design, which tells who I’m and what I do. If you visit now, probably you can still catch “Fairy” somewhere, but it is ok. It is part of my experience, and it is part of my grow as an individual.

I’m feeling really good.

Next time I meet someone, I can say:

“Hello, my name is Jingyi. I’m a designer.

Nice to meet you.”

Jingyi(used to be Fairy if you check my old posts) is a product designer who is dedicated to utilizing technology to better connect the world. Welcome to connect me via Dribbble, Linkedin, and Twitter.