San Junipero: The Breakup

FADE IN:

EXTERIOR: BEACH HOUSE - DAY

Yorkie sits on the beach in front of the house she shares with Kelly; toes in the sand, wearing her signature t-shirt tucked into jorts, complete with braided leather belt. The sun is rising.

A sleepy, robed Kelly joins her.

KELLY
Yorkieeeeee…It’s SOOOOOO early! Why are you out here?

YORKIE
We need to talk.

KELLY
Oh geez.

YORKIE
I’m SERIOUS!

KELLY
York, not this again.

YORKIE
You KNOW me. I can’t help it that I feel this way.

KELLY
How many times do I have to say that nothing that happens at The Quagmire means anything?

YORKIE
I hear you saying that but I don’t feel it.

KELLY
I love you, and only you.

YORKIE
I know, but I just…I don’t think…I can’t handle it. I know I said I was okay with us being open because it’s been so long now, but I...I can’t. I can’t do this forever.

KELLY
I don’t even know what to…

YORKIE
You don’t have to say anything.

Yorkie stands up and walks into the ocean. Waves crash over her and she doesn’t fight them.

Kelly, in shock, follows her and frantically swims around calling her name and searching for her.

After what seems like an eternity (but it was probably only 50 years), Kelly emerges with a sputtering, coughing Yorkie in her arms.

As they reach the shore she collapses in exhaustion with Yorkie next to her.

Suddenly they both begin laughing hysterically.

KELLY
You KNOW you can’t kill yourself!

YORKIE
Doesn’t hurt to try. Literally. It doesn’t even hurt.

KELLY
God, what have we done???

YORKIE
Kelly…

KELLY
Hm?

YORKIE
Can we try something…new?

KELLY
Depends what you have in mind.

EXTERIOR: BEACH HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

Kelly crashes through the upstairs balcony window and tumbles over the railing and onto the sand below. Yorkie appears on the balcony.

A crossbow appears in Kelly’s hands. She fires off two shots at Yorkie on the balcony. They both hit their mark.

Yorkie rips out the arrows, completely unfazed, then dives off the balcony onto the sand.

They roll around on the beach, giggling and guffawing while engaged in a brutal fistfight.

Their clothes are filthy and ripped to shreds but neither of them show even the slightest sign of a cut or a bruise.

Kelly stands up and dusts herself off; notices a knife handle sticking out of her thigh. She rips it out and the blade is completely clean. She tosses it away.

KELLY
Okay, let’s try this…

A rocket launcher appears in her hands. She tosses it to Yorkie.

KELLY
Give me a 10 second head start.

Yorkie is wide-eyed but agreeable.

YORKIE
Give me a kiss first.

They kiss, deeply and passionately.

YORKIE
Ok…GO!

Kelly takes off running, jumps into her Jeep and tears down the highway.

Kelly finishes her count to 10, aims, fires…

Her RPG hits its mark.

YORKIE
Whoa…

The Jeep goes up in flames.

Tears well up in her eyes as a fireball shoots upward out of the wreckage. Did she make a mistake?

Then…

Kelly emerges in the distance, giddy and unscathed, and they run toward each other.

KELLY
HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT!

YORKIE
I wish you could have seen that from here!

KELLY
I love you so much.

YORKIE
I love you more.

KELLY
Probably.

Yorkie punches her playfully in the arm.

KELLY
I’m KIDDING…wanna go to bed?

YORKIE
No.

Kelly looks puzzled.

YORKIE
I mean…can we try it out here?

Kelly bites her lip and nods seductively.

KELLY
(whispers)
You’re gonna get sand in your —

YORKIE
(laughs)
 — I dont’ care anymore!

Suddenly they’re both dressed in underwear.

They fall into each others’ arms onto the sand, rolling around and furiously making out.

FADE OUT.


Faith Choyce is a writer and comedian from Los Angeles who you can find on Twitter, Facebook, and Patreon.

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