Top 10 tips on how to become a better mom: Living with ADHD in a Household with Four Young Children
I thought I was doomed with this brain of mine until I realize I have the power to become better.
I felt like I had another child which was called Maribelle's brain. We were at war everyday and I wanted to win desperately. I was tired and wanted answers already and it wasn't until I finally understood what was wrong with me.
I was diagnosed with ADHD right before my 30th birthday. When I got the diagnosis it was a huge relief of weight lifted off of me. I was now determined to find solutions to help me and my family's lives become smoother.
I'm a new mom living with four little girls and a great supportive partner. I realize that not only am I affected by this hectic brain of mine but my spouse and children are too.
I knew then that it was time to start making changes after my official diagnosis. These changes weren't immediate but possible and I started with small steps first.
But first…
What is ADHD?
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity-Disorder (ADHD),
also known as ADHD, is a neurodevelopmental condition that primarily affects children but can also last into adulthood. It is characterized by a recurring pattern of impulsivity, hyperactivity, and inattention that seriously hinders daily functioning.
People with ADHD frequently experience difficulties with impulse control, organization, and paying attention. They might struggle to concentrate on work, adhere to directions, and finish assignments.
Additionally, they might fidget a lot, be overly restless, and have trouble staying seated. When someone is impulsive, they might interrupt others, answer a question before it is finished, or take risks without thinking about the consequences.
How does ADHD affect moms?
* Emotional challenges: Strong emotions and a lack of emotional regulation, which can cause mood swings and problems managing stress.
* Social challenges:
Trouble maintaining friendships and family ties owing to issues with social cues, impulsivity, or self-control.
* Sleep challenges:
Having trouble falling or staying asleep due to racing thoughts, anxiety, or other sleep issues.
* Financial challenges:
Problems with self-control or impulsivity when managing money and making financial decisions.
* Parenting challenges:
Trouble establishing limits, enforcing discipline, and satisfying children's needs because of problems with organization and self-control.
* Health challenges:
Due to difficulty with self-care and impulsive conduct, they may be more susceptible to health issues like obesity, substance use, or mental health illnesses.
My challenges:
My ADHD really beats me up mentally during the morning. I wake up with a racing list of to dos and seem to have trouble slowing down my thoughts and emotions.
It seemed like after giving birth to my fourth baby my memory got worse and my organization skills went out the door! I went from book reading, neat and tidy super mom to messy, disorganized confused mama.
I felt like I was broken but I knew I wasn't! I refuse to let this ADHD get worse now it's time to take my life back.
So I'd like to share the 10 strategies that help me work through my ADHD while being a mom to four little children.
Disclaimer: Always seek professional advice when it comes to your mental and physical health. Below are strategies that helped me personally with my own dedicated research and implementation.
Here it is!
Top 10 tips on how to be a better mom: Living with ADHD in a Household with Four Young Children"
- Be Honest
Practicing emotional awareness is to be aware of the feelings you are experiencing and understanding why they are there. Not only am I going through the challenges of this mental illness but my family is affected just as much.
I need to make sure that I am considerably apologizing for my mishaps and practice to check in on my feelings to them. Once I realized there's a problem with me I had to let go of Indenial and take the next step which is to seek help.
Why Should We Be Honest About Our Mental Health?
Mental health is a vital aspect of our overall well-being, and being honest about it is essential for our own good and the good of those around us. Here are some reasons why we should be honest about our mental health:
Breaks down stigma:
Empowers self-care:
Fosters open communication:
Improves relationships:
Enhances self-awareness:
Promotes resilience:
Reduces stress:
Improves physical health:
2. Research
It wasn't until I researched my symptoms and finally got some answers that made sense. I knew I needed to figure out what was going on so right away I went online and started investigating everything about ADHD and ways to help me.
One of the main reasons this article means so much to me is that I know it will help so many other mother's like me. I regained my power back by researching the knowledge for my situation.
ADHD moms can utilize various methods to conduct research and seek help for managing their condition. I found such an informative website called aDDitude.com and other great sources that helped me with strategies tailored to me.
Other areas of research for ADHD moms:
1. Online resources: The internet provides a wealth of information on ADHD, including reputable websites, forums, and support groups specifically tailored for moms with ADHD. These platforms offer a vast range of articles, blogs, and personal experiences that can help moms understand their condition better and find strategies for coping with the challenges they face.
2. Books and publications: There are numerous books available that focus on ADHD in women and motherhood. These books often provide valuable insights,… (stopped)
3. Therapist
Seeing a therapist can be very beneficial for individuals seeking support, guidance, and healing in multiple aspects of their lives. While it is challenging to summarize the advantages of therapy in just a few bullet points, here are some key reasons why seeing a therapist is great:
- Emotional Support
Improved Mental Health
Enhanced Self-awareness
Developing Coping Skills
Relationship Improvement
Personal Growth
Stress Reduction
Trauma Recovery
Improved Problem-solving Skills
Support during Life Transitions
This was a big game changer for me. Before therapy I was very passive with my emotions, anything that has to do with intense feelings I swallowed it down my throat.
Mental illness runs in my family so I grew up with that defense mechanism of not wanting to feel and swallowing it up. It was my defense mechanism of holding in the hurt.
Therapy helped me acknowledge and release emotions of pain, anger and sadness. Now I feel more understood and optimistic for my future.
4. Feed your brain
After the birth of my third child I was going through a lot of ADHD symptoms along with postpartum blues and this was before I was diagnosed.
There's a book that changed my life for the better and it's called "Unleash the power of the female brain" by Daniel G. Amen. Mr. Amen is a brain specialist, celebrity doctor who practices as a psychiatrist and director of Amen clinics.
This book literally changed my life for the better. It gave me a clear perspective of what a healthy and happy woman's brain looks like literally with proof of CT scans, case studies and dedicated research all found in his book.
I recommend this book for anyone looking to change their brain. Such an incredible book you have to check it out.
Here are some of the best foods and supplements for ADHD management in moms:
Foods:
* Omega-3 fatty acids found in fatty fish like salmon, sardines, and mackerel
* Leafy greens - spinach, kale, and collard greens
* Nuts and seeds - walnuts, chia seeds, and flaxseeds
* Berries - blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries
* Whole grains - brown rice, quinoa, and whole wheat bread
* Lean proteins - chicken, turkey, and beans
Supplements:
* Omega-3 fatty acid supplements
* Ginkgo biloba
* Vitamin D
* Magnesium
* Zinc
* Iron
While these foods and supplements can aid in managing the symptoms of ADHD, they shouldn't be used in place of expert medical advice or therapy.
It's always advisable to speak with a medical expert before changing your diet or introducing supplements.
I began taking Holistic supplements and eating brain rich foods to feel amazing and I really do. I notice a big difference in my entire body physically, emotionally and mentally. I feel more alert, driven, and happier and therefore my little babies are happier.
I've been on an interesting mental health journey and it's all because of this great book! Now I feel more in control of my ADHD instead of it controlling me.
5. Community resources
ADHD moms can find community resources in various places. Here are some small bullet points listing the possible sources:
- Local support groups
- Online communities
- Non-profit organizations
- Educational institutions
- Medical professionals
- Local libraries
- Social media group
- Parenting organizations
- Local community centers
- Government agencies
I took the opportunity of getting help from a home visiting program for my children's growth and development and attending parenting classes for 13 weeks. Topics discussed were mental health, home duties, and self care. It was such an eye opener for mysef and really encouraging.
Lastly, there are some great mom groups I joined from downloading on the Google app store called new moms from ayogo health Inc. and peanut and it helped me get in touch with other great moms.
I have a great support system that transformed my parenting. And most importantly I don't feel alone.
6. Record your journey
I have started journaling since I gave birth to my first daughter. I found that it helped me release everything that I was feeling and learning from being a new mom.
Years later when I struggle I grab my journals and reread them which gives me strength and encouragement to continue to push through and overcome my ADHD challenges.
I can see that I have grown and matured and I'm very proud of myself because change is possible and I can clearly see the facts by reading my progress.
Simply you can buy a notebook or journal. Start writing about your experience, needs and wants as a mother. Create realistic goals and set them with small micro habits that are tailored to your life.
7. Practice Mindfulness parenting
When interacting with children, try to be fully present and engaged in the moment. Listen actively, observe their behavior without judgment, and respond with compassion and understanding.
It took me a while to practice to shut my mind up and just observe to see what's going on. I seemed to be so attached to my phone, cleaning the house non stop and figuring out what's next on my to do list.
So it was difficult at first! But with practice and consistency It was a beautiful experience. Being still and silent and actually listening to my children play is beautiful when they're not yelling or fighting.
I like to put on instrumental sounds of nature, jazz, instruments with scenery in the background of the television for them to see. It helps calm us down and really be together with such ease. Not only do they learn to wind down but I finally wind down.
My children actually teach me that life isn't about responsibility all the time but about being present and grateful even if the dishes are piled up.
Listening to the birds singing in the morning when I wake up to hearing the families outside getting their day started helps me feel in sync with the world, children and myself.
8. Deep breathing
What a difference in your body when you practice deep breathing not only does it calm me down but it helps me reboot especially during those frustrating moments with your children. This is why deep breathing helps me.
You can practice deep breathing when:
When you realize;
Your angry mom meter is going up and you don't want to explode on your children.
You're about to have an emotional breakdown or crying spell.
Feel overwhelmed by the kids, house, and duties.
First thing in the morning and before bedtime.
Practice doing this with any activity, especially with your children during the day.
Deep breathing exercises can be beneficial for ADHD moms as they help in reducing stress, improving focus, and promoting relaxation. Here is one type of deep breathing exercise that can be helpful:
1. Diaphragmatic Breathing:
Also known as belly breathing or abdominal breathing, this technique involves taking slow, deep breaths by expanding the diaphragm and filling the lungs with air. To practice diaphragmatic breathing:
- Find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down.
- Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen.
- Inhale slowly through your nose, allowing your abdomen to rise while keeping your chest relatively still.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth, letting your abdomen fall inward.
- Repeat this process for several minutes, focusing on the sensation of your breath.
It is important to note that deep breathing exercises should be practiced regularly to experience their full benefits. Additionally, it is recommended to consult with a healthcare professional or therapist for personalized guidance and support.
9. Play with your kids
Being a mom with ADHD can present unique challenges when it comes to focusing and playing with your kids. However, there are strategies and techniques that can help you engage with your children in a meaningful way.
Here are some small points to consider:
Create a Structured Routine
Break Tasks into Smaller Steps
Use Visual Reminders
Minimize Distractions
Set Realistic Expectations
Great Playtime Activities for ADHD Moms:
* Physical Activity: Engage in physical activities that require movement and energy, such as running, hiking, swimming, or dancing. These activities can help improve focus and reduce stress.
* Creative Play: Engage in creative activities like painting, drawing, crafting, or building. These activities can help improve problem-solving skills and self-expression.
* Social Play: Spend time with friends or family members, engage in group activities, or join a social club. Social play can help improve social skills and reduce feelings of isolation.
* Mindfulness Play: Practice mindfulness activities like meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises. These activities can help improve self-regulation and reduce stress.
It's important to note that every individual with ADHD is unique and may have different preferences when it comes to playtime activities. It's important to experiment and find the activities that work best for you and your family.
10. Get your sleep
You made it to number 10! Oh my goodness this is so vital for anyone needing to function at their highest potential as a mother. I deprived myself for so long because of nesting, perfectionism and catching up on me late at night but not enjoying it because I’m deeply tired forcing myself to stay awake.
I learned that my circadian rhythm needs to be reset in order for me to feel good and the ultimate energy for the day. I became fascinated with our circadian rhythm and started to respect my sleep after learning about it.
What is circadian rhythm?
The circadian rhythm regulates many of our body processes and has a significant impact on our general health and wellbeing. Knowing what influences the circadian rhythm and making efforts to keep a regular sleep pattern and healthy lifestyle.
How can we help our circadian rhythm when we have ADHD??
1. Lay out a reliable rest plan
* Set a normal sleep time and wake-up time, even on ends of the week
* Try not to rest during the day, particularly near sleep time
* Make a loosening up sleep time standard, like perusing or scrubbing down
2. Open yourself to morning light
* Open your draperies or go for a short stroll outside in the first part of the day to open yourself to regular light
* Try not to involve electronic gadgets in bed, as they can stifle melatonin creation
* Utilize brilliant light treatment if fundamental, particularly throughout the cold weather months when daylight is scant
3. Limit openness to screens before sleep time
* Try not to utilize electronic gadgets basically an hour prior to sleep time
* Utilize blue light sifting glasses or applications that channel through blue light from screens
* Supplant screens with loosening up exercises, like perusing or contemplation
4. Get customary activity
* Participate in active work no less than three times each week, ideally toward the beginning of the day or early evening
* Stay away from lively activity inside a couple of long periods of sleep time, as it can disrupt rest
* Pick exercises that advance unwinding, like yoga or strolling
This is my ultimate comeback! Smarter, wiser, and better version of the mommy I'm destined to be.
Final thoughts
After a couple of months of implementing these strategies my memory started to become more clear, I woke up happier, and I felt healthier.
Although challenges may lie ahead I know I will be prepared and I hope you will too with these top 10 strategies on becoming a better mom while dealing with ADHD.
In conclusion, not only do I feel more in control of my brain but also I feel refreshed, excited and honored to be the mom of four precious little girls. I made sure to make it a priority to heal myself and be patient with the process and I hope this article helps you do the same.
