That Time I Entered Matthew Gray Gubler’s Magical Mind.
Photographs and Illustrations by Matthew Gray Gubler
Although a professional writer for a decade at this stage in my career, it was predominantly as a senior copywriter in advertising, with some freelance pop-culture articles in the mix. My interview style at the time was utterly random and unfiltered, which lent well to the series, but also exposed my shortcomings as a human.
An interview from then, interspersed with thoughts looking back from now.
Matthew’s most recognized as Dr. Spencer Reid on “Criminal Minds,” the voice of Simon (one of The Chipmunks) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s shaggy-haired pal in “500 Days Of Summer.” For a while there he was a top male model, before that he graduated from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts — where he majored in film directing. So what goes on inside the nerdy-noggin of an artist-cum-model-cum-actor-cum-director? Have you seen his site? Well this, among other things.
As you can imagine I was thrilled it was a phone interview because a) I’m incredibly lazy and b) I’m pretty sure in person he would have out “Beckhamed” me (that’s when the male tends to be prettier than the female), which I could do without first thing on a Monday morning.
What transpired was a fascinating interview about mice penises, human-ridicule and Mr. Gray Gubler’s genuine enjoyment of both Bauhaus and the Mary Poppins’ soundtrack. Yes, lots to discuss, which I tended to do (as always) through a list of random questions, which seemed well suited to his train of thought. Matthew is an authentic eccentric, which is gradually revealed as he shares his observations of the world with you. His is an enthusiasm usually reserved to ecstatic puppies or childhood escapades, he wouldn’t seem misplaced in The Famous Five or any other Enid Blyton adventure. What most of us, unfortunately, lost along the way, this 32-year actor/director has managed to maintain — and if you speak to him, you can’t help but go along for the ride. It started with someone wailing “HELLLLOOOOO!!!” down the phone. That someone was the Gubler boy.
MGG: How are you?
FW: Ugh good, I just had blueberry pancakes.
Good, good, where are you? Are you in N.Y.?
No, I’m in West LA.
It was at this point I realized I had zero control over this interview. Matthew was a frenetic ball of energy whizzing through the line, with me trying desperately to keep up with what came out of his mouth. I would be a liar if I didn’t admit at the time, I felt rather drab in comparison. Also, I was not unaccustomed to being asked, well anything by the subjects, to be honest.
Is Gray your middle name, or are you Matthew “of the Gray-Gublers?”
It’s actually an old family name, my grandfather was named Vivian Gray, and he didn’t care to be called Vivian — for fairly obvious reasons. So yes, yes, I guess I am “a Gray-Gubler.”
What should we know about you?
Mmm what should you know. Let me think.
Not me personally, but people in general.
I’m actually a pretty good skateboarder, which seems to surprise a lot of people.
Really!?
In retrospect this shocked response was incredibly rude. I must have been somewhat aware of this at the time, based on the follow up.
Not in a bad way though.
I think because I’m a nerd everyone — including myself — fails to recognize that I’m very coordinated. I’m also getting into skateboard design soon too.
You are!? I mean, I would never have guessed that.
Two photographers, you admire?
Cindy Sherman for many reasons; she’s utterly unique. I admire her sometimes frightening portraits. That merger of herself and her vision, people that can do that — I’m always impressed.
Also Terry Richardson, I see a childlike genuineness in his imagery which I know is somewhat contradictory to how he’s perceived. (Gasp! Every online “flower vagina” comment and condemning joke regarding Uncle Terry comes back to haunt me).
Ah not so much now though.
Mmmm have to admit, never heard him described like that before. You have a GUBLERNATION, do your followers have a collective name?
Oh, actually, they do. I wish I had come up with it, but I didn’t. They call themselves Gubloids.
Sounds like globular.
Or a strange disease one might have.
Something slimy perhaps?
Or a free-floating bulbous object, I like it.
What do you think of the MIMP site?
What’s not to like.
Your mockumentaries are very self-deprecating. Would you like to do more comedy?
That’s what I love to do when I can; it’s my favorite genre. It was quite shocking to everyone that knows me when I got cast on such a serious TV show. Those documentary shorts were based on some of the people I’ve come across in Hollywood; they are the funniest people in the world, mainly because they don’t realize it.
Wow, sounds truly awful. How fun! Is there any role you might be a little reluctant to play?
Reluctant, no not really, I’ll play anything. I promised my friend I would do a nude scene in a movie we made.
Naked you say? (clapping hands happily — but very, very, quietly).
And I’m kind of reluctant to do that, but I know I have to do it because I promised.
(Note to self - start digging for more info on this topic but in a manner that doesn’t seem like I’m objectifying him, when in fact that is exactly what I’m doing? Mmm dilemma).
Like “Shame?” Are we talking about that kind of nudity?
No, imagine like the smallest penis ever seen on film, have you seen Ratatouille the movie? About the cooking mouse?
Erm yes.
So imagine that “nude scene” was with a mouse, but then make that mouse a human — and then make that human, me.
God bless you sir and touche.
Funniest movie you have ever seen?
“Young Frankenstein,” all the Gene Wilder movies. Recently “Bridesmaids” was pretty great. Melissa McCarthy, I think she’s a hilarious comedian.
Tell me a secret. One that doesn’t involve the mice penises.
I think Michael J. Fox is one of the greatest actors that ever lived (giggles).
Any pets?
I consider them pets although I don’t technically own any of them.
So they are just strays then?
No, two dogs that my family have and deer and raccoons in my back garden in LA.
You got scouted as a model and then fell into acting, do you think any of your peers might secretly hate you — just a little?
True I fell into modeling, but I’ve always loved entertaining. I use to do kids magic shows in Vegas. I’m sure I’m quite annoying to many people for many reasons, that could be just one of them.
Would demure be an accurate assessment of you?
You could say that.
Spencer Reid is constantly described as “awkward,” does that come naturally to you?
Comes pretty damn naturally, unfortunately, so that’s a bummer. I also over analyze things. Yeah, even when I order coffee I’m not cool, it’s like — “Can I have a three-shot?” (Urkel voice).
Being on a series about serial killers, was there ever an episode that just freaked you out?
All of them are like that unless I’m directing them, that’s a lot easier when I’m in control of the scary stuff.
There have been a couple of episodes that disturbed me to my very core (laughing with glee). I shouldn’t laugh, but some really bloody terrifying stuff happens.
Yeah, I’m also a very fragile human being (laughing).
Don’t remember if this was dual nervous laughter, or we are both creepy AF.
Most embarrassing moment in life to date?
I don’t get embarrassed that often only because I don’t mind being the object of ridicule.
A lot of your paintings and portraits are like illustrations, are you going to transition into animation soon?
Yeah, I’m hoping to do that next. It’s in a gestation period, but a friend of mine, we’re working on something.
Since this interview Matthew has released an illustrated children’s book.
There was behind the scenes footage of your first on-screen camera kiss. You seemed a little flustered. I felt terrible for you, but then I found myself laughing!
I shouldn’t have said this really, but in my defense the video is very funny.
Well, the crew is like my family, so no group of people could have enjoyed watching that experience more. I think you are only embarrassed when you fail to see the humor in ridicule. So I guess I love being the object of ridicule. Also not to sound like a douche bag actor, but beyond me being awkward anyway, I was thinking how Spencer Reid would feel about kissing megababe Amber Heard?
Flustered. Very flustered.
Exactly, I know! You see the fact is if you kiss me on screen it will only help your career as an actress. (He can’t get through the sentence without cracking up hysterically).
Could you do a regular 9-to-5?
I think because the hours are so long when shooting, anything I do after this would feel like I retired. If you love what you do, retiring isn’t an option.
The last time you “swooned?”
I’m a permanent swooner.
If you had a theme tune, what would it be?
I don’t know the lyrics, but I know the instruments that it would include a theremin, a glockenspiel, and an accordion. It would sound like this “bow, bow, bow doink, bow-bow.” Like a creepy carnival. (*It’s hard to do his rendition justice, so listen to the beginning of “Chorlton and The Wheelies,” delete the vocals and then add moments that sound like a human voice impersonating the guitar in a 70s porn soundtrack.)
If you were chocolate, what would you be?
I would be the forgotten piece, in your top pocket, washed and then melted — a Gubloid.
What are you listening to these days?
It sounds f$%king crazy, but I was listening to The Little Mermaid Soundtrack, Mary Poppins, The Doors and Bauhaus on Spotify. Little did I know everyone on FB could witness my 90% Little Mermaid and 10% Bauhaus. It was like a serial killer’s playlist!
Best holiday?
Don’t you mean vacation. Right? (giggles) I dunno Gublerland, every day is a holiday in Gublerland.
What do you have to get done by tonight to rest easy when your head hits the pillow?
Oh man. A lot.
Originally published on MeInMyPlace in 2013. The following year Matthew won an Emmy for his participation in Drake Doremus’ miniseries “The Beauty Inside” (2012). Continued to do V.O. work, notably as the Riddler for DC comic’s animated film “Batman: Assault on Arkham.” On October 27, 2014, he became a certified Minister, officiating the marriage of former “Criminal Minds” star Paget Brewster and best friend Steve Damstra II. Directed, edited, and co-produced the music video for “Don’t Shoot Me Santa” by The Killers. Recently, released a children’s book “Rumple Buttercup: A Story of Bananas, Belonging, And Being Yourself” through Random House. Currently on the book tour.
