The Beginning of the End
My fitness journey so far, and how I got to where I am.
My, oh my, ladies and gentlemen. Let’s talk about that semi-uncomfortable issue. Weight. Let me just start by saying, I firmly believe that people should look however they feel the happiest. If you are confident, and healthy, then who cares what size pants you wear!? The world really needs to stop with all of the, this is beautiful, this is not, JUNK. Beauty is different for everyone. No two people see a flower the exact same way, each person has their own perspective of what makes it beautiful. It should be the same when we see other humans, but sadly, it isn’t.
That being said, I am on a personal journey to loving myself. My definition of what makes me beautiful is being healthy. I want to feel good and energetic everyday and I want to feel great in a two piece bathing suit. And, if I am being completely honest, things are starting to hang a little lower, if ya know what I mean 😉
Here is some insight in my personal fitness journey so far
During my high school days I was a part of my schools competitive dance team and also took evening classes at a local studio. During this time, I practiced five, sometimes six, days a week. I was fit, I didn’t have to worry about my eating, or weight. I was just a healthy kid who was extremely active.
Fast forward to college. Zero physical activity, whatever food I could come up with to eat, and lots and lots of… well, it was college so you could probably guess, beer. I didn’t even notice the little innertube inflating around my abdomin. It wasn’t until a few years down the road that I even realized how much weight I had gained.
My husband (bless his little heart) insisted I was, and always would be, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, but I knew my body was different.
A few years later, and I am nine months pregnant. I had gained seventy pounds during my pregnancy! At the time, I honestly didn’t think too much of it. I was pregnant, I was fat, but I was so immensely happy. I knew it would be a struggle to get the weight off, but I had absolutely no idea how difficult it was actually going to be.
After I had my wonderful son I thought I would snap back to, at least, my pre-prenancy body, rather quickly. But the weight didn’t really go anywhere, however, I put absolutely no effort into losing it. One day I was shopping for some shorts for summer. I tried on my normal size, or what I thought was normal, and they were too small. So I went up a size, then another, then another. Finally, three larger sizes later, I found ones that didn’t give me a giant muffin top. I felt terrible. For some reason this issue, that was never an issue for me before, made me feel terrible about myself.
These kinds of things, for someone who has very little confidence anyways, are hard to handle. Instead of saying, I can and will figure this out, I ACCEPTED IT. I was disgusted with what I saw in the mirror. However, I had no self-control, no self-love, and absolutely no motivation to change, and deep down I knew it. I told myself that’s just what happens after a baby. Things are different, things change, and because I had a c-section, I will never have a flat stomach.
About a year after I had my son, I started working full time and met a wonderful, amazing, talented, and goofy woman. We had so much in common and instantly connected. She was actually having a lot of the same self conscious feelings as me. She didn’t feel as confident as she wanted about her body. As we slowly became closer, we started discussing more personal things. She was searching for a workout she would be happy with and I was making little changes everyday as I learned from her.
I finally decided enough is enough! I was tired of looking and feeling the way I did.
I started working out. Not a lot, but enough. I quit drinking pop, and started making better food choices. I still splurged, I still ate more than what I should have, but I was getting better, and the weight was starting to come off.
Then the moment I had been waiting 7 years for, my boyfriend finally proposed! I was thrilled, and excited, and immediately started planning.
I suddenly realized “oh shit, your going to wear a wedding dress.” I kicked it into high gear. With the help of my close friend, I dropped down to just ten pounds above my high school weight! I was so proud. I have never felt as beautiful and as confident as I did on my wedding day. I truly felt my absolute best. That whole summer I was so comfortable with the way I looked, I slowed down my workouts, rather than working harder, and eventually quit them all together.
All the hard work paid off. I was a happily married, and confident woman. So I slacked. I justified it by telling myself I worked hard enough, I can enjoy myself again. It’s like my brain completely forgot everything I ever learned. I started drinking pop again. I started eating fast food again. I started buying JUNK again. It is so hard and embarrassing to admit that I failed. I failed at keeping myself healthy. I failed at continuing to take care of myself. I failed at being active. I failed.
This is where the importance of self love comes in. If during that time, I would have grown on the inside, this journey would be different. If I loved myself enough to continue take care of my body, rather than let my mind tell it that it sucks, then I would be even more fit.
My journey is not only about choosing to love myself, but it’s about being an overall healthy person.
Now it begins.
To be continued…
Don’t forget to check out my other posts!❤
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