I completely understand the feeling of nothingness. A deep depression consumed me some years ago, to the point where I wouldn’t eat or get out of bed. All I did was cry. After I “recovered” from that part, I couldn’t feel anymore. The realization didn’t hit me until I couldn’t cry when my grandfather died. It was the first major death I had ever experienced, and I couldn’t even feel my sadness. Maybe I was cried out. Once aware, I started to notice that I also could no longer feel joy either. At some point, I embraced it. If I was going to be a shell of a person, I was going to act like one. So I began to act with reckless abandon and started doing things that weren’t good for me. Then, the recurring dreams started. I would wake up in tears. It was the only time I had tears. I came realize there was something that I wasn’t dealing with, something I had shut out to protect myself. So I began to pay attention. I started to confront the dreams, and eventually the situation. It was painful, but eventually I was able to come to terms with it. Slowly I began to find joy in my life, once I embraced the sorrow. I’m not saying I don’t have low points anymore, but I do have high points as well. This is not to say depression medication doesn’t work. But, if it’s not working the way it’s intended, perhaps there is a root to the problem that has not been addressed. In order to fully experience life, we have to experience the bad along with the good. That’s what makes the good things feel so wonderful! I wish you the best, and hope you find joy again.