Top Collection 27+ Funniest Quotes To Make You Laugh Out Loud

1. I don’t understand why people ‘touch wood’ for luck. I mean, it didn’t do Jesus any good.

2. I believe in love and marriage but not necessarily with the same person.

3. A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.

4. Dear luck, can we be friends this year please.

5. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.

6. That lonely moment when the only text message you get all day is from your cell phone company. :(

7. My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

8. I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.

9. How am I supposed to make big decisions when I still have to sing the alphabet in my head to get the right letter.

10. You don’t truly know some one until you get ridiculously drunk with them.

11. My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said It’s freaking, I’ll rent a boat….

12. The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

13. Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.

14. My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.

15. I like hashtags, because they look like waffles.

16. Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands — just like best friends!

17. I know the voices in my head aren’t real…. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

18. Save the earth, its the only planet with beer.

19. My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

20. People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean don’t they have thoughts?

21. If you don’t like me I’m cool with that, just don’t pretend that you do

22. Clothes that are too dirty for the closet, but too clean for the laundry: Welcome to the chair.

23. They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

24. I don’t understand how I can struggle to wake up for 7 am Monday to Friday but is wide awake at 6:30 on Saturday and Sunday!

25. I don’t like to call it revenge… Returning the favor sounds nicer.

26. Someone just called me normal… I have never been so insulted in my entire life!

27. Tried to loose weight. But it keeps finding me.

Originally published at on June 2, 2020.

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