Happy New Fear

My new year was begun when some people do some things that changed my life … yes I allowed it to, but hell, this is human.

Ever since I got the report card yesterday my heart has been thumping like crazy. Fear has been all around my body. To think and to be scared that the work period is actually going to be soon ended. Well maybe it is better that way? But is it all my imagination only?

Sometimes I think of how unfair, biased they are in evaluating me. They don’t see how much I work and only focused on what they think is wrong. And they are just not that wise. Very very not, by treating someone not as nearly as a human being. And bam, they provide me punishment while the reward is nowhere to be found.

That’s the golden rule: you work hard, no reward; you make mistakes, they punish us, neglecting the good facts about us (there should be any, however small the contribution is).

Anyway, how could they describe some things as mistake if what I do actually implies nothing for anyone else’s life? I know about that very clearly. I know what I’m doing. And even IF it does, they cannot treat it with hate, with banishing act like I screw all their loved ones or something. They just talked to me once — ONCE — and hello, final penalty.

I don’t think that’s fairly human at all.

And what about my fears? It’s a new year and I should feel merry instead of worry. Let’s just fill the new day with something moving, something to enjoy life, a way to think of positive vibes of all these pointless feelings inside, fearing of something that doesn’t even happen.

I probably need to pray, since I believe in God, and transmitting the positive energy so I never have to be scared anymore. Okay. It won’t be that bad. Please. Somebody tells me this, please.

Happy new year.

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