Never give up on yourself
In such channels, is not very common people demonstrate sorrows, pains, weaknesses and failures. If it is done, just passing unnoticed. Especially because, as just our own suffering. Nobody deserves to have to be faced with the whining of others. Is not true? Even more, when the difficulty is small, compared the problem of millions of people. So, do not feel uncomfortable for not reading this my narrative, or even find it silly tremendous. Somehow I also think through unnecessary. But this public exposure will help me to not give up.
Well, for days I have thought constantly give up my dreams. Who ever thought? Most will have been stronger than usual. I can not stop thinking about the possibility of a career change. To give up work in the social area, which in my case; is not voluntary, but my profession, which I have been dedicating myself full-time in recent years in Makanudos. The reason is because it is a job that demands a lot, but it generates a feeling of very little result, mainly on the issue of social impact. And also because it generates almost no personal return, except peace and happiness. In addition to looking at the world and see the chaos reigning, leads me to think that I give up my towards a greater good, not worth it. To better express the feeling that lingers in my heart, I get the lyric of Chris Martin;
Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I’m across
Just because I’m hurting
Doesn’t mean I’m hurt
Amidst this personal tension, I asked myself the following question;
what led me to choose this career?
Not found an answer. But some images come to mind. The first and most significant, was the music video “Minha Alma — a paz que eu não quero” (My Soul — The Peace That I Do not Want) of band O Rappa; which depicts the cruel reality of children and adolescents in the favelas of Rio at the end of the 90s. And today is present in many suburbs yet.
Until then I thought that this was just one of the best Brazilian bands of my generation, because of the pace to be on high at the time, and obvious why I identified with the plot. I spent my entire adolescence listening to these guys, and had fun at several shows.
Once I even got on stage and also went backstage to talk to the lead singer of the band Falcão. Even so, I never imagined that the ideas behind it had influenced me. I thought it was just a fun. The songs that pointed the injustices and ills, shuffled real me. Took me to a zone of discomfort, of indignation, of nonconformity. I could not face the situations of misery and poverty, and accept that the world would be so, it would have no way, and end of story.
These things definitely bothered me! Despite being pressured by everyday then caring exclusively with personal achievements and career success, resulting in the so dreamed “good future”. I did not understand what was happening to me, much less what was happening in the world around me. Had very little idea of the socio-political landscape of the country and the world. But there was something inside me would not let me think, nor act only in terms of my own desires.
These were the most distant and significant events that have come my memory, I was about 13–15 years ago, in early adolescence, way back in 99, 2000 and 2001. An commonly difficult phase due to large individual transformations. Not counting the period from the turn of the millennium, which was somewhat troubled. But in my case, the aggravating factor would be the change of Rio de Janeiro to Guaratinguetá/SP. Imagine the shock! An boy who spent his childhood in the busy suburbs of the Rio, moves to a sleepy, provincial town in the country of São Paulo. I myself can not measure, much less describe the influences that in my life. Just know that deep and were essential to my growth.
To my surprise the rescue part of my story, I realized that my career was not just a choice or decision. It was more than that. I believe that a career is more related; process with self, with the discovery of identity, with the reasons for existence. Therefore; more related to an individual vocation that needs to be discovered.
Regardless of the circumstances. I have full belief that I am in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing. So I move on. Intensely alive today in the hopes of the future.