A few days after I was on my way, I realized that among all the dangers to come about in this journey, to my surprise, loneliness affected me the most. I had never been left in silence for more than a few moments back in the village. There was always someone you had to take care of other than yourself and someone was always caring for you, whether you liked it or not. On one hand, it was a relief that there was no one I had to take care of but on the other hand, I had to take special care for myself as there was no one else around to do it for me.
I started talking to people in my mind. I had arguments. I made confessions. I thanked. I apologized. People replied too. I know they weren’t real but I could hear them very clearly. My father instructing me while I was hunting. My mother teaching me cooking. My friends keeping me company while I ate.
As for the search, I wasn’t sure if I was making any real progress. I firmly believe that if I want something properly enough, and do not give up on the struggle to get it, I will get it. I might get it today, tomorrow, a month or even years from now but I’ll eventually get it. The blind man said that Abram headed towards the path of stars and went to and through the neighboring hills. I am well into the only hills that neighbor my village by now and there is no doubt that this can be called the path of stars. The sky is lit with glitter so beautiful that lying down and looking up at the sky before I sleep is starting to become my favorite part of the day. I am on the right path. I can feel it.
I followed the sound of water that I’d been hearing for a while and came upon a stream. It wasn’t big enough to be called a river but crossing it and getting to the other side did not seem an easy task. I thought hard and for long about what I could do in this situation and came to the conclusion that I’ll find a way in the morning. As the sky started to darken and the stars started taking off the blanket of day, the water in the stream started to sparkle. I could see stationary stars in the sky and flowing stars in the water in front of my feet.
I had an idea that seemed brilliant at the time. There was a tree that had a few strong branches shading the stream. I climbed the tree, made myself comfortable on one of those branches and stared down at the stream. The stars didn’t spiral or sink into the sky but they were moving and this was the closest I’d come to reliving the marvel I experienced on that tree at the edge of my village. I stared for so long that I forgot that the real stars were behind me. I was satisfied with the reflection. It was stunning.
It was getting very late. I decided to turn on my back, stare at the heavens and eventually fall asleep. As I was turning, the moment I got the first glimpse of the sky, I heard a crack and felt a branch snap from underneath me. The next thing I remember is searing pain in my back as I bounced off a rock and fell into the water. I tried to swim and grab on to something but it was of no use. The only part of my body that I could move was my face and all I could do with it was make horrified facial expressions. It was the most terrible feeling I’d ever had. I was trying very hard to keep my head above the water as it carried me downstream. I kept crashing into rocks but there came a time when I couldn’t feel pain from any of the impacts. After a few minutes of struggling, when I realized my doomed fate, I let go of the fight for life and closed my eyes.
Thankfully, I did open my eyes again. The sound of nature resumed as it had done yesterday and the day before that. The difference today was that I couldn’t move around at all. I tried to look around but I couldn’t even move my neck enough to turn my head in any direction. I let out a scream in order to check if I could still produce voice from my throat. I heard that but what if that’s only part of my imagination. How will I ever know?
It felt like the longest day of my life but it finally made space for the night. I set out to find the truth about the night sky and now I can’t even turn my face away from it. I hurled at it all the curses I had ever heard of and even made up a few of my own. I paused and closed my eyes as if trying to run away from the sight that had turned my life into a disaster. I thought of what I would be doing if I had never left the village. I never thought I would miss being able to move this much. I couldn’t talk to anyone in my mind anymore. I could hear no one’s voice but my own. All I could hear was me telling myself how stupid I was to dream the way I dreamt. I opened my eyes, took a deep breath and shouted, “You aren’t as beautiful as I thought!” at the top of my lungs.
“And what do you know of beauty, kid?”
Who was that? That did not sound like a voice in my head. There’s someone in the direction my head’s pointing towards. I didn’t even try to turn my head this time as I knew that would only depress me more. I spoke out loud this time.
“Who was that?”
“I asked you something first, kid.”
“If you’re going to reply to whatever I say with the arrogance an older age gives you, I don’t think I want to answer you.”
The man chuckled.
“What makes you think I’m so old? You haven’t even looked at me yet.”
“You’re calling me a kid aren’t you?”
“Hmm… fair enough.”
“So…?”
“So What?”
“Who are you?”
“I am the night sky, you and everything between you too.”
Great. Absolutely great. I’ll be spending the last moments of my life with a lunatic.
“Do you have something to eat? If you could just help me eat a little, I might be able to…”
“Sorry, I haven’t eaten for days either. I’d help if I could but we’ve met in very unfavorable circumstances.”
“So we’re just going to give each other company as we wait for death?”
“Probably, kid.”
Great. Absolutely great.
