4 stages of maturity that lead you to yourself
I have been pondering this topic of maturity for quite sometime now. Over the last 20 years, I’ve been lucky to work with amazing people from all walks of life. Different cultures, ideologies, ages…etc. I’ve also lived in several cultures that didn’t necessary have much in common and I’ve gotten more obsessed with understanding how people think & work. I’m sure many of you have pondered this topic too with people at work or in your personal lives. Seeing how people think when confronted with failures, success and personal challenges drew me to reflect on this topic a lot. Not to mention my own experience that further made me realize many things along the years.
I am not 100% sure yet why I decided to write about this topic or to start writing period. On one hand, I wanted to document some experiences, the thoughts that go along with these experiences and my theories around them so I can go back to them one day and re-check them. On the other, I also thought others might contribute to the experience by sharing theirs and through such exchange, the development of these ideas will mature more in my head and in others.
Maturity levels
The levels of maturity I want to describe here are drawn out of my own experience in working with people and myself.
Stage #1: The classic, it’s someone else’s fault. In this stage, we tend to get fixated on how the unpleasant situation we are dealing with is caused by someone else. Someone else can mean a manager, a peer, an organization, a family member of even God sometimes. The reality is, more often than none, the issue you are dealing with IS in fact the result of actions of others. So technically, you might be right in blaming others.
Most of us “humans” are comfortable being in this stage. Some can perpetually stay here all their lives while others tend to get progressively more frustrated with that stage and start searching for answers and solutions. They quit their jobs, change their city, quit their relationship…etc. All things you do as you start getting more and more frustrated until one day you realize that with all that change, you are seeing things circulate back and someone/something new is now to blame for your misfortunes. You either continue to repeat this stage endlessly or mature into Stage #2.
Stage #2: Discovering your superpowers. If you are one of the lucky ones, at some point after some level of suffering realize that ending this vicious cycle starts in a place that weighs about 3lbs and sits right under your hair (unless you are bold) : Your BRAIN! You realize that regardless of life/work or any situation you are in, you have plenty of choices. The choices don’t necessarily dictate action but simply a choice in how you interpret the situations you are in.
You can view every situation positively or negatively and depending on that view your actions are determined. Inaction sometimes (and I would argue most of the time) is just as good as constant action. Furthermore, the actions and the view they were based on eventually determine the recursive cycle of life that you are going to perpetuate. Basic rule here is: Actions perpetuate the view they were based on. Maybe one day, I will get to write an entire post on that sentence alone.
Stage #3: The annoying preacher. In this stage, you are starting to really reap the benefits of stage #2. You are feeling how liberating stage #2 is and you become more and more convinced that you know it all! Anyone that complains about anything around you, you immediately turn into a preacher and shower them with “How they should…” life lessons. You turn into the Tony Robbins of your social/professional circle. Endless feedback sessions and every opportunity is an opportunity to preach the “good life” gospel according to YOU! You further give endless examples from your own personal life on how things should be done.
As you preach more, you face more and more challenges in your own life that you realize, you really haven’t figured it out all yet…. Even though you really matured one or two levels in your own life and found professional or personal success — if that can even be defined globally — you really are simply at the early stages of knowledge. As you enter this stage, it is important to reference back to the “Dunning-Kruger Effect” which can be summarized in this simple graph here:
https://timnovate.files.wordpress.com/2017/05/dunning-kruger.jpg.
Towards the end of this stage, you start preaching less, and you go back searching for more. Even though you have a good outlook on life (despite the 1000 crappy things that are happening to you), you find that something else is missing and you go searching for it.
Stage #4: Search for self in others. I can’t describe exactly this stage for everyone as I believe this is the SELF stage when each one of us ends-up connecting with their true selves that truly describe them and connect them with life and others. That said, I believe this stage has common characteristics. First, you realize that being able to mature through the above stages is a gift from life. It is not your own doing, even though you might want to attribute it to your great personal qualities as a superior human-being, it is simply not yours! That on its own induces a sense of responsibility in yourself towards life and others. Second, you move your focus from yourself towards serving others without preaching. You realize that just talking about how something or other should be done is literally pointless. All that matters is really how others are doing and feeling. Others are anyone closely or remotely related to you. Your family, your colleagues at work, your neighbors or even the citizens of the country you live in and the world at large. In this stage, personal satisfaction is not easy as quick wins are few and far between. You will be misunderstood more often than understood. Your intentions are only known to yourself as even if you share them publicly many will question them and find faults in them.
I wish I can say that I’m at stage #4, but I’m not. I’m not sure I even want to comment here at what stage I’m in as I believe unless you get to stage #4, you are most likely going back and forth between all three stages above.
Pause, think… and act.
