The UEFA European Football Championship. A Pictorial Record.
European Football Championship stats
Sunday July 14th 2024. 22.05 BST: The time some people in Scotland apparently shouted, “Yaaas!” at their televisions.
The thing that was most likely said by an England fan in Germany: “Lager.”
The ‘hing that was most likely said by a Scotland fan in Germany: “Me no English.”
The ‘hing that was most likely said by Scotland fans after being knocked out on Friday 24th June: “Well, at least the woman are back in training on Monday.”
The thing that was most likely said by some England fans and some pundits after England lost no games, topped Group C, then beat Slovakia to reach the Quarter-finals: Sack Southgate.
The thing that was most likely said by some England fans and some pundits after beating Switzerland on penalties: It’s the result that matters.
The random question some journos threw at Scottish, Welsh and Irish people during the tournament: So, will you be supporting England?
The slogan a t-shirt entrepreneur thought of printing on t-shirts for England fans after the final: Heartbreak
The thing some England fans might have said on Twitter on the day of the final: Where’s the other shooter?
So, on with the show….
Poland
First team to be eliminated, not the Pole position they wanted.
Scotland
Dreams of getting out the group stages once again scotched.
Albania
“Albania is a developing country…” — Wikipedia.
Also applies to the national team.
Serbia
First time at the Euros as an independent country, grab a napkin Yugoslavia, you’ve been Serbed.
Croatia
Even though they were knocked out in the group stages the fans know their players Modrić, Livaković and Perišić are still itching for a trophy.
Ukraine
Best not. They’re in the middle of a conflict.
1st Person: So’s Gaza.
Me: Politics and sport don’t mix.
1st Person: You just mixed it.
Czechia
Czeched out in the group stages.
Hungary
Won one game, lacked the hunger to get to the knock out stages.
Italy
They came, they saw, they conked out.
Denmark
Made the last 16, butter luck next time eh?
Slovakia
It must go over many a Slovaks head as to why the English are so down on the national team.
Georgia
Since when is England sponsored by the Red Cross chari…? Oh I get it.
Belgium
Fifa ranks them as the 3rd best team in the world. Still won fuck all.
Slovenia
Laibach….
1st Person: Yes, he does look comfortable.
Me: No, Laibach are Slovenia’s most famous band.
Romania
Fangs for the memories.
Austria
Second time through to the last 16. If you’re gonna win a trophy consistency alps.
Germany
Versprung durch fußball. Knocked out in the quarter finals, so not just yet.
Portugal
Portugieser. Crying geezer. Out, go you!
Switzerland
England clocked they could beat them on penalties.
Türkiye
Knocked out in the quarter finals, an early Turkish bath.
France
Captain, Mbappe. Team, Mmm, crappy.
The Netherlands
Netherlands manager Ronald Koeman, “Weed underestimated England. Them bringing on a super sub to score a last minute winning goal was [coughs], some good shit.”
England.
England women lose to Spain in a World Cup final. England men lose to Spain in a Euros final. Equality achieved. Brexit. Happy fucking holidays.
Spain
The women reign, the men reign, Spain’s not plain.
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Special thanks to my girlfriend Hen.
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