I don’t get as much sex as I’d like.

Maybe you don’t too. I wouldn’t know.

Let’s assume you didn’t. It’d be a reach to imagine we don’t get sex for the same reasons.

What are the odds that you’re a 6"2 tall 24 year old dude, who lives in a beautiful house without parents, and has galls for adventure? What’s the chance that you’re a city-hopping, wine-studying designer with the alcohol tolerance of three, and a knack for creating amazing experiences with / for other people?

You’d have to drive an SUV, work from home, be able to make time for anything, and be willing to. In fact, you’d have to be a smart, slightly funny guy with decent knowledge about many things. You’d have to be a respectful dude, who is deeply caring about other people.

Above all, you’d need to have zero game to be me.


I was having a conversation with two friends about how I want to be a different person, sexually. I decided to write about it because… sometimes I like public commentary on the things I deal with. So far in Lagos, I believe guys are categorized as one of three things.

  1. The sex guy (not boyfriend)
  2. The fun-time guy (not boyfriend)
  3. The boyfriend (should be 1 + 2)

I know I’m being reductive about this, but this is what I believe I’m usually faced with. Picking from that list, I love sex and I also love fun-time — maybe just as much. I generally avoid being a boyfriend these days. However, my game-less self has no idea how to like people strictly for sex.

Attraction is frequently sexual, yet I tend to look for more meaning to interactions with people. This means I cannot fuck people that really just want to fuck me, until it’s mutual. It also means I spend too much time on the friend part with people I also want to fuck.

Like, can we go to France, and also fuck on the plane? But let’s go to France. And I don’t want you to feel like we’re going to France cos I want to fuck, so… let’s just go to France. Venir.

The other day my friend was trying to convince me I am just unfortunate. I mean, last time I had sex was in another country ffs. As much as it’ll be nice to coddle my ego and say “I’m not meeting the right people”, I have to admit this one is on me.


So, I’m out to remedy this. In my opinion, I need to get more confident about going after sex. I’ll need to convince myself to want people just for sex, and yet not feel like a “user”. I’ll need to reduce my need to make more out of relationships with people.

I’ll need to “shoot my shot” and learn to be rejected, frequently. I’ll need to learn how to flirt and hint, and innuendo my way to getting what I want. I don’t feel like I want to stop going on crazy dates and adventures with people, but maybe I’ll need to admit to myself that sometimes, it’s just about the sex at the end of the day.

Look I’m not going to be a boyfriend, but I really like you, and I’d love to show you the world while you’re perched elegantly atop my dick. You coming, or not?


Update: After getting feedback on this, I just realize how easily I come off as “Awesome dude, don’t deserve this”. But really, I’m only asking questions I want answers for. Is it possible to get incredible experiences and sex with people I’m attracted to without commitment? Or do those circles not connect, in which case, I need to tweak my person?

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