What Can Parents Do to Prevent Their Entitled, Spoiled and Self-Centered Adult Children from Publicly Shaming Them?
Carlee Russel’s dramatic disappearance garnered tremendous international attention from mass and social media, law enforcement, private citizens and those whose children were abducted and/or murdered. To support the search for Carlee, financial donations and hands-on support from concerned people came in from everywhere. Among the volunteers who searched for her were Angela Harris and Elijah Blanchard, the parents of Aniah Blanchard, the unfortunate 19-year-old Southern Union College student who, on Wednesday, October 23, 2010 — was abducted and later found murdered. Her father said his wounds had been reopened, and it wasn’t OK to bring his family into the search. “Imagine going and searching for someone, and they’re off doing something else, and they’re never in danger. And you’re thinking about saving this person’s daughter, and yours was not saved. Beyond angry, super livid. That would be me”. https://www.wvtm13.com/article/carlee-russell-aniah-blanchard-elijah-update/44614565
Here are my thoughts on about how the attention-seeking, superficiality, vapidity and excessive vanity among some of our vulnerable and unhappy young women can lead to self-destruction, public shaming and social destruction…
Family Life…Carlee hails from what seems to be a solid, middle-class family of ambitious, law-abiding, hard-working and cohesive people. They are the model American family who raised their daughter within cocoon of privilege and high expectations, but somehow, along the way, Carlee and her parents had lost direction. She received everything she ever wanted, but it seems that the lessons of honesty and accountability were wanted. After watching her parents co-sign the reckless and self-serving hoax, I realized that they desperately wanted to believe her, but their body language belied the words which left their mouths. It was pathetic to watch the mother doing all of the talking as the father looked like he was trapped in his worst nightmare.
Public Response…Black folks were particularly pleased to see that law enforcement actually cared about a missing black woman and people of all ethnicities applauded the Hoover, Alabama Police Department, Secret Service, local and partnering agencies, the FBI and the mainstream and social media for taking the reported disappearance of Carlee Russell seriously and for wasting no time in gathering evidence; aggressively pursuing the whereabouts of a missing black woman. This is what everyone wants for any missing person; but because black women were heretofore not deemed important, this ‘disappearance’ was a litmus test, enabling police to try to change the narrative. Carlee wasted what others could have used.
Social Status…At twenty-five, Carlee lived a life of relative privilege with her parents, as she drove a red Mercedes Benz and flaunts expensive technology, fancy clothing, expensive wigs — and lots of bling. On her social media pages, Carlee referred to herself as being, “too classy for this world,” a quote from Beyoncé’s, “Alien Superstar” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRyQFr6CMAc and posted that she “didn’t brag enough,” a quote from Megan Thee Stallion’s song, “Thot Shit” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFVakjKPMuY. So many young, modern women who crave attention, flex and vogue on social media, ad nauseum — all with the goal of being the center of attention…And this hoax is evidence that Carlee exists in a proverbial Lala Land, focused on her personal needs. When I saw her smiling in the mugshot, I had to meditate for a few minutes just to complete this article!
Vindictive Mindset…Despite being a nursing school student with a psychology degree and someone who has enjoyed tremendous opportunities, Carlee had lost her way and her mind when she chose this dangerous path of actualizing her personal empathy gap. I cannot diagnose her as a narcissist, but I will posit that Carlee gives NOT one damn about how the vast majority of victims of abduction receive little attention in the media or in their communities. As she developed and nurtured her diabolical plot within the confines of her egocentric mind, it is evident that she has a particular desire to be perceived as a victim — suffering and tortured, in the worst possible situation; all in order to make someone —reportedly her ex-boyfriend — appear to be ungrateful or neglectful. He initially played along with a show of support, but later tried to distance himself by saying the right things. He subsequently rid his social media of her. Did he dodge a bullet or is he’s trying to savor his fifteen minutes of fame. It’s hard in these social media streets and I’ll be looking for his YouTube channel as he joins the algorithm influencers who sound off about what it's like to be in a relationship with a narcissist…
Social Media Facade…As evidenced by her social media persona, Carlee was desperate for attention; yearning for people to admire her style, romantic connection, vacations, luxury vehicles, expensive clothing and wigs. Like so many young women, who attempt to mask their true appearances with their ‘flawless’ public facades, voguing, disguising themselves with layers of cosmetics, AI filters and special lighting, their social awkwardness and insecurity actually still shines through. The symptoms of the tragic ‘pick-me’ epidemic is infecting our impressionable and emotionally needy youth and is contributing to many physical and mental health disorders. https://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Me-Girl-Meaning
Attacks Other Woman…Carlee actually had a public social media confrontation with the alleged ‘stripper,’ with whom her boyfriend was allegedly cheating. She berated the other woman, writing: “you are poor, and I am rich!” She also posted on July 8, 2023, “Everyone wants to feel wanted,” hours before complaining about her job. In a later tweet, she wrote, “My job is really starting to get on my dang nerves.” Really?
Her Feelings are More Important Than Yours…Obviously frustrated, heart-broken, feeling abandoned and mistreated, Carlee sought revenge and set out to dispense severe punishment. She began the saga with major research about Amber alerts, bus tickets and how lost toddlers on the freeway would be the tools she needed. To buttress her plan, she researched the Liam Neeson film, “Faken,” I mean, ‘Taken,’ which he rescued his daughter from an abductor. Interesting, in 2019, he faced public wrath when he voiced that he had fantasized about killing an innocent black man when his friend survived a sexual assault by a black man. Most of us, who’ve known victims of sexual assault forgave him because our empathy bone was activated and we understood he shared was a fantasy. https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-47117177
A Mistake? Carlee’s attorney claims that she made a mistake, so she ‘sort of’ apologized! This young woman cannot publicly verbalize the rationale for her hoax because she is disconnected from herself and others. She is alienated, psychologically and spiritually vapid and I insist again that this untenable behavior is symbolic of too many young people in the USA, who become destructive when they perceive a slight. As they externally reference, the lack self-love, self-esteem, self-efficacy and compassion for the humanity of others' lives beneath the surface. Her life seems to be a serious of un-integrated experiences.
Trending…In this era of social media and the addiction to “likes” and “hearts,” parents in this nation are struggling to transfer important values to their children. The power of social media is greater than parental influence and bit by bit we are all watching the adverse effects of this virtually unregulated media. Many ‘follow’ and wish to be ‘followed’ as they struggle with identity, individuation, the need for social acceptance and low self-esteem.
My Childhood Lessons…During my childhood I heard numerous anecdotes about the results of “crying wolf,” how I had to lay in the bed I had made and warned that the consequences of my actions and choices would serve to humble me. I was told not spend more than I earned. I was taught moral lessons, expected to internalize guidance and comply by the rules. Honesty was expected along with accountability, humility, integrity. and compassion for others. I was immersed in the reality of dealing with life’s challenges and how to choose battles, to seek support when I needed it, and to above all else — to be grateful for everything I received. I was taught to work for what I wanted and reminded that life was not fair. Coping strategies were modeled by elders, and the fear of ostracism was always there.
Please don’t tell me I lived during a different time. Yes, I’m old and this hoax stole several nights of sleep from me. I have lived well into my sixties without stealing ALL of the attention in a room or a roll of toilet paper from my job. I've always discouraged lying to the police, faking my disappearance, falsifying my social media, or fighting another woman for a man who didn't want me…I’ve also raised two children to adulthood using discernment, wisdom and the old-school techniques of their father, my parents, my village. And I am helping to raise grandchildren…I’m older, wiser and very concerned about the children of the world. Meanwhile, we witness girls and young women grow into caricatures of womanhood who lack a firm identity and sense of self.
My Parenting Journey…I had often said to my children during their adventurous adolescence and young adulthood, “to never bring trouble to my door or you’ll be dealing with it alone.” I instructed them about how they will not get everything they want and that despite working hard or dedicating themselves, they would sometimes not receive validation or positive attention. I tried to teach them that manipulation is obscene and that honesty fosters dignity and self-respect for most. And, most importantly, really tried to help them conquer their own egos.
What Can We Learn? I see the Carlee Russell saga as an opportunity for reflection about how some children and young adults develop social awkwardness, personality disorders, addiction, anti-social behaviors, selfishness, depression, anxiety and delusion and that much of these behaviors are as a result of parental neglect, poor maternal attachment, emotional loneliness and inadequate or pre-occupied parenting. Some children and young people thrive on constantly being the center of attention. They may go out of their way and/or use annoying behavior to get noticed. Entitled, spoiled, attention-seeking and/or enabled by parents who sublimate their own unresolved issues — want what they want when they want it. When attention-seeking problem behaviors aren’t met with the desired social attention, they may escalate into risky acts, which becomes a problem over time. When dealing with adolescence and young adults who display spoiled, entitled, and selfish behavior, it is important to address these issues in a constructive and empathetic manner. Here are some suggestions on how to approach these situations:
1.Teach empathy and gratitude: Encourage them to recognize the feelings and needs of others. Perspective-taking exercises, volunteer work, or engaging in community service can help them develop empathy and gratitude.
2.Set boundaries and expectations: Clearly define boundaries and expectations regarding behavior, responsibilities, and privileges. Ensure that they understand the consequences of their actions and how it affects others. And please do not shield them from the backlash.
3. Encourage responsibility and independence: Provide opportunities for them to take on responsibilities and develop self-sufficiency and self-efficacy. Encouraging them to make decisions, solve problems, and face consequences can help foster maturity and decrease self-centered behavior.
4. Reinforce positive behavior: Use positive reinforcement to reward behavior that demonstrates consideration, kindness, and humility. Give praise and acknowledgment when they show improvements in their attitude or actions.
5. Promote open communication: Maintain open lines of communication and encourage them to express their thoughts and concerns. Engage in conversations that allow them to reflect on their behavior and values.
6. Be a role model: Model the behavior you wish to see in them. Display kindness, empathy, and respect towards others. Show them that selflessness and humility are valuable traits.
7. Encourage self-reflection: Encourage them to reflect on their actions and consider the impact it has on themselves and others. Engaging in activities such as journaling or therapy can help them gain insight into their behaviors and motivations.
Let’s carefully observe and guide our children in developing emotional intelligence; self-esteem, empathy, compassion, coping skills and self-control — always reminding them that impulse control and patience are skills they must develop to deal with life’s challenges. And transforming spoiled, entitled, and selfish behavior takes time and patience. It is important to approach the situation with understanding and provide consistent guidance and support. Therapeutic interventions like parenting education, individual and family counseling and education must be a part of the process of interrupting patterns and transforming behaviors.
National Center for Missing & Exploited Childrenhttps://www.missingkids.org/content/ncmec/en/blog/2023/arrest-gretchen-harrington-murder-case.html
How to Report a Missing Person in the U.S.https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=How+to+Report+a+Missing+Person+in+the+U.S.&id=8151E4DC0360F08404AA590A0005090F60FB22F1&rtpu=%2fsearch%3fq%3dHow+to+Report+a+Missing+Person+in+the+U.S.&FORM=IEQNAI&PC=U531
