The Sanctity of Love

There are times when it is necessary to take a step away from something in order to improve it. For me, the decision to remove myself from “the market” had more to do with coming to terms with how sacred I find love and sexuality than not wanting to date. What I knew, and know, is that I do not want to participate in the way it is most commonly done. Rather than become bitter or pretend to be something I am not, I decided to step away until I know without any doubt that I am standing before someone who sees it the way I do.

I am constructed in such a way that anything less than a profound spiritual connection will not keep my attention. I am full of mysteries that I enjoy slowly revealing to my mate over time. I have high sexual energy and express it with otherworldly intensity and expect the same. Anything less than a “soul fuck” will not do. I am constructed in such a way that any threat to my independence is intolerable. I am very comfortable alone, and prefer to keep a certain level of “alone” even when with someone. I am constructed in such a way that I must admire my partner outside of what we have together and will easily become his biggest cheerleader. This will not be pretense. It will be because I have taken the time to choose someone whom I can stand behind. It is natural for me to be happy when my mate is happy. He would never have to choose between his calling and me, because more than likely, it was seeing him lit up by his calling that attracted me in the first place. If his calling takes him away from me, it just does. I have my own. I give the understanding I want to receive. I have not received this as much as I have given it. This is possibly because the idea of a man having a supportive woman to cheer him on is still easier to accept than the reversal.

What I have observed in the dating climate is a bit of both wanting too much and too little. People often misuse each other’s energy to fulfill something that can not come from an external source. The mate is expected to soothe every insecure emotion by altering their natural behavior. This idea is widely accepted but never set well with me. Why are we not asking ourselves why we feel insecure, then doing the work it takes to overcome that feeling? There is no way a person can fulfill all of the mental, emotional, and spiritual needs of another, yet it is expected. This creates addiction, which creates insecurity. Insecurity results in altered behavior. The relationship loses authenticity. The object of affection is no longer a person with a soul along its own path. The person is a drug and the high is the feeling the other person gets from being with them. There is constant push and pull as one person or both, begins inauthentic actions to “keep” the other person, i.e. lies, invasion of privacy, etc. It is no longer real. It is no longer simply appreciation of a soul along its journey and gratitude for being able to share a special time. It is tainted now. It is not love. It is obsession. It is drama. It is people wanting too much.

The other side of the coin is wanting too little. Often, people “date” for the thrill of the attention, and the initial attraction. There is an attempt to keep the interaction in a neat little box that can be closed and put on a shelf when one finds it convenient. “Like me but don’t love me.” “Let’s keep the conversations light and playful.” “Be at my beck and call, but don’t ask the same of me.” It is just enough yet not enough. The same misuse of energy. The same lack of authenticity. It is the two glasses of wine to get buzzed when you say you do not drink. It is the “sugar free” candy: the non- relationship with all of the benefits of a relationship but no responsibility. But just like that candy, which can still create cavities, damage can still be done. There is no recognition of a soul being along its journey because no one wants to look that deeply. It is cold and robotic and something I admittedly do not know how to do.

Recently, I have fallen so in love with my spiritual path and growth that I have not felt the need for a partner. Perhaps it is a good thing as I would never want to love out of “need” anyway. I have become so sacred to myself that there simply has not been room or desire for anyone else. I love the way that I love: fearlessly. I intend to keep loving that way. It was for this reason that I decided to go it alone: no relationship, no dating, no pretend dating, no almost dating, no “sugar free” candy. Just a sacred time with myself. I have placed no time on this. This could all change between the time I publish this article and its first reader. I trust myself to know. What is inarguably clear, is the next time, if there is one, will be nothing short of sacred.

*This was a random thought post. If you like it or agree, please click the heart to recommend.

Photo credit:

Model: Yours truly. 😊

Photographer: Brian Carter