Day 10 — UberAmbulance (Trademark Pending)
I had my first full Uberpool Full House today. All the seats on my drive to the office got filled up. Lucky me, I was the first one picked up. The Uberpool algorithm decided it would be best for Ruben to get off the freeway which by some miracle was clear today and for us to work the backstreets of Redwood City and pick up some more passengers.
Our first passenger was a heavy set woman who sat next to me in the back seat and proceeded to crush a tin of madeline cookies while coughing profusely. It wasn’t the cookies that were causing the coughing because I could tell she was no stranger to Madelines, but rather she had a cold or flu. I tried to squeeze closer to my side of the car and give her a wide berth. Meantime, poor Ruben was driving and blowing his nose and he was also clearly sick. I decided to open my window for some fresh Nor Cal air.
The grand finale came when we stopped to pick up our final passenger at the admissions/release door of Kaiser Hospital. This poor old lady saw her Uber arriving and mustered the strength to get out of her Kaiser required wheelchair and started making her way to the passenger side door with the use of her newly issued Kaiser cane. My neighbor was destroying Madelines and watching this spectacle as if it was game 7 of the NBA finals, while Ruben didn’t know whether to get out and assist her or start crying, and I was on a heated call with my Partner and was dropping F-bombs in the back seat while simultaneously rooting for my fellow passenger to make it off the curb and into the car. She made it in and we all breathed a sigh of relief as we sped off to my office.
Upon reaching my office, I quickly took off all my clothes and instructed my coworkers to follow strict haz mat protocol and give me a full Silkwood Shower. Here’s the security camera footage from our office bathroom:
If I stop posting, I probably died from Ebola or something else contracted from my ride with Ruben and Friends.
Ruben — 5 Stars. He never once complained about having to drive his Ambulance at Uberpool prices.
(Bob, why are you putting yourself through this? Why don’t you just buy a car? Read the Fat Uber Daddy Mission Statement here)
(I’m late to this party, where can I see what happened the previous days? Go here)