If it’s meant to be…

Flávia Albuquerque
Sep 5, 2018 · 3 min read

It’s as that Bebe Rexha’s song says.

We break up because we want different things. I end everything up because, even though we have feelings for each other, we are incompatible. It’s really hard doing so. I have an awful time there.

Then, one exact month after our breakup, I text him about this birthday gift that I didn’t have the chance to give to him. And he agrees to meet me! He says he’s surprised about the gift, that it’ll be a pleasure to see me, and that we can grab a coffee and talk.

So on Sunday, we meet, I deliver the present and we chat. A lot. And it’s awesome. We have such a great time together. As friends only, but still. I feel it. He feels it. We can’t deny that.

He drives me home, and as we are saying our goodbyes, he tells me that he’s very happy to see me, and that I can call him to meet anytime, even as friends. He has this look in his face, telling me otherwise, telling me he actually wants us to be more than that. I almost kiss him on the spot.

He misunderstands my intentions and hugs me instead. Maybe he thinks that, as I was the one who ended things up, I wouldn’t want anything with him anymore. I wish he knew it couldn’t be more far from the truth, though.

A few hours later, I text him, telling him I forgot to thank him for the ride home. He then responds, telling me he’d loved meeting me. And then, he asks if we’re friends only, no kissing involved. He was thinking about that almost-kiss!

I think a little bit, and then reply, saying that, for now, maybe it’s best that we remain as friends only, because of our previous misshap. But that if anything happens between us, I won’t be opposed to it. I will let it flow. He then responds, saying that he will respect my decision.

He keeps trying to connect with me the day after that, and then the day after that. He talks about things we both like, sends pictures and funny videos, comments on my stories on Instagram. And I keep it up too, at the same pace as his. Not too much, not too little. Just the right amount of replies to keep it going.

I’m really trying to go slow here. I can’t go back to feeling miserable again. I don’t want to throw all of my growth away. During our time apart, I was focused on myself. On becoming more strong, more centered and confident at myself. I don’t want to come back to being focused on him. Because I know where it goes, and it isn’t pretty there.

I’ll take one step a time. I’ll let him approach me again, just as friends for now. I want to lead him to me, to make him fall in love with me to his own accord. Then he will want to be with me, and only with me, I hope. No one else.

I know it’s risky. What can I do? I don’t want to give up just yet. I really think there is still hope for us. I believe that we’re still worth a fight.

I also know that I can’t wait for him forever. I have to keep looking after myself. I have to live my life.

So I’ll let the door open, let him in, enchant him with my charms. But I won’t make a move on him. I will move on with my life. Meet new people, be open to new possibilities. So, if someday he wants to be with me, he’ll have to go after me.

I don’t know if I’m wrong for doing this, for still trying. I don’t know if I’m only illuding myself here. Still, that’s what I’ve decided, for now. And that’s what I’ll do. I’ve made my part. Tried to, at least. And then, what is meant to happen, will. That is for sure.

Flávia Albuquerque

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