Installing a New Theme… Rise and become the best version of you!

And so, cheers to my very first post on — Medium. 💃whoop! whoop!!

In 2019, I diagnosed myself with anxiety disorder. ( Now, why did I do that?!) This was because I was convinced that I was losing my mind. I was back to a very dark place I once was. Only this time, it was different and darker. And the dominant feeling that I had at that time was chronic anxiety. I was taken back to my childhood where I suffered from terrible low self-esteem and insecurity. I was scared and alone again. I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I started once again to experience the feeling of struggle. Struggling to love and accept myself, trying to move forward but kept getting pulled back down. I literally became a shadow of myself. (Did I even know who I was? 🤔 hmmm) To answer that question, I’d say… “not as much as I do now!”

Now, you might be wondering what happened in 2019. Well, I had a bad breakup!

If your first reaction was “Ugh big deal, so who has not had a bad breakup before?" You are right to think so. I mean people break up all the time, why would she want to throw away her life over that?…Right?

Well, it seemed like the only way. I had been ripped open. The breakup exposed all my insecurities. But more than anything, it showed me that I had not been living. That I had only been existing and tagging along with another human being who was happily living his own life. It was me who put mine on hold. And that wasn’t his fault.

What broke me, even more, was that a strong, intelligent, fine ass pretty woman stopped living.

(But I really thought I was living) only I was living on the terms of a man! Now, I’m not a feminist but here’s one thing I’ve come to learn —

Never ever, for any reason at all, put your life on pause.

Again, 2019 was a rollercoaster of pain for me. When others were looking forward to 2020, I was praying to God to please call me home. Because also, home on earth had become almost like hell. Twice, I thought about jumping off a bridge, once, I was going to buy bleach and have for a drink. This was not because I had lost the ‘supposed love of my life’ — this was because I had lost the ‘love for my life'

But beautifully and thankfully to God, family, and friends, I still ended 2019 with songs of praises on my lips and hope in my heart.

So, I dragged myself up, broken, wounded, and with my limp, I joined the millions of people who wrote optimistic and quirky captions for the new year… I held on to — Hope

Here’s what I want to tell you: Your life may be very difficult right now. You may be in that very dark place, alone and afraid, but please, hold on tight to hope and don’t stop talking to God. You may not know the “perfect or acceptable” prayer to pray, just keep saying exactly the things that are in your heart to God.

I eventually entered 2020 with this "should I stay or should I go" feeling. (Yes! It wasn’t exactly great but it wasn’t exactly bad either) And though, it didn’t feel like I was in charge of my life, at all,... I also had this feeling that someone was. And this person seems to be very fond of me. I know this because when I allow myself to relax and look at this person, the love that I see in His eyes, it covers my shame, my guilt, my pain, my loss. It just blankets me with peace unexplainable!

Hey, (snap snap) don’t think too far. This man I’m talking about is God the Father. God my Father!

And here’s what He did with my uncertainty and anxiety. He took it, turned it around, and began to make me see me through His eyes. He took my focus and placed it right on Him. (Okay now, I’m smiling sheepishly) and the more I saw Him, the more I saw me. And now, I know exactly who and whose I am. Somebody hug me tight. Don’t Worry He’s doing that already! 😝

Now 2020

A year that has been a very interesting one for the world. A year that since it began, has blatantly refused to be ignored. A year that forces hard conversations and dictates the direction in which everything should move or remain. The beginning of a new decade forecasted with promises, new beginnings, growth, and liberation.

The new energy and drive, sworn clarity and vision that many entered the new year with, was outrightly, I mean with so much audacity met with a pandemic which sadly, stopped many in their tracks.

Now, why am I writing this article? You’d ask.

To give you hope. Because without life, hope is dead; and without hope, there is no will to live. I want you to take the right direction; the path that if you take and stay on, you’d never be shaken by the uncertainty of this world or get lost again!

Because I’m on that path now and I want company and I want you to join me!

When you feel undeserving of good, it’s hard to want to grow, be successful, and live. But you deserve all the good the world has to offer — so start with gratitude; for to be alive is a blessing in itself. Now think of all the good you want and go get it! And remember not to leave God behind. Let Him lead.

It’s the eighth month into 2020 and, I am healed!

I am blessed with the blessings of knowing the Holy Spirit. I am blessed with new and wonderful friends. I still get anxious but, I now have an amazing friend in the person of the Holy Spirit who walks with me and works in me, and teaches me about Jesus.

And guess what, He wants to do the same for you.

You have to make the move and invite Him in. He’s the One who makes it all okay. And there’s just so much good that God has put inside you and He wants to walk you through the process on a beautiful journey to make you self-expressive and confident. Then you’d feel fulfilled and live a purposeful life.

Remember, the world will not see you until you see you. The world will not feel your impact if you do nothing.

All my love goes out to you. Yes, you reading this.

Xoxo,💕

Favour

https://www.instagram.com/favewrites/

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Still under construction; (WIP) - documenting my experiences as I go, writing is my escape.

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Favour Akinola

Favour Akinola

Still under construction; (WIP) - documenting my experiences as I go, writing is my escape.

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