“Makeup is just a cover up of your natural beauty.” ~Kiley Durward
Middle school can be vicious. Really, life can be vicious, but middle school tends to bear the beginnings of the most extreme internal struggles — the ones that consume our thoughts and make us question our worth. Even the most confident, beautiful souls can be pulled into the depths of harsh, unkind words and actions. New extremes are taken to cover up the things we are led to believe are blemishes.
When someone tells us we’re ugly, fat, disgusting and any other negative opinion they decide should be shared, we begin our long-term battle fighting these opinions becoming our realities; but too often, they do. These words, the shoves in the hallway, the dirty, disgusted glares, the gossip — they all have the power to knock us down so hard that we feel as though we’ve shattered into a thousand pieces. We fight and fight against that power, forcing ourselves to push against our brains’ sponge-like qualities, trying to forget every unkind word, every unpleasant action, every nasty look.
Sometimes we have to fight against not fighting, against throwing up our hands and surrendering.
Sometimes we succumb to the opinions, the messages that we’re ugly and that our lives our worthless.
Sometimes we’re successful simply because we face another day.
Sometimes we’re successful and we win these fights in our own little (or big) ways.
Sometimes we meet someone who shows us what wonderful things are possible when we fight back, even when we’re fighting in the most subtle of ways. When we avoid physical contact and decide not to throw back the stones that are being thrown at us, this is when we become absolutely unstoppable. This is when we know we have won, even if the words, the actions and the looks continue. We have already won.
When we see the world for all of the beauty that it holds, despite the ugliness that exists, we have won.
When we choose to go after the things we are told are pointless, the things we are told we’d never be good at, we have won.
When we say kind words complimenting someone who has made us question our value, we have won.
When we can say “no, because it’s not right” or “no, because I don’t believe in that”, we have won.
When we stand up for our friend, or ourselves, leaving the stones on the ground, we have won.
When we strip ourselves bare and shout without words THIS IS ME. I AM BEAUTIFUL & I LOVE MYSELF, we have won.
In these middle school years, when identities are beginning to really be formed and popularity begins to reach its point of importance, we often struggle with these winning ways. Our level of significance in this great big world is often left open to interpretation by our peers; not just our friends, but also our peers. We blend ourselves into the current trend and what we have been led to believe.
Unfortunately, the ugly words, the physical aggressions and the glares are the things we believe the most. They often overpower the words of love, the embraces and the looks of affection. They often keep screaming in our minds who we should be, what we should wear and how we should look.
I write this and it is as though I’m watching my own middle school years on the screen in front of me. I can see those moments when I heard and felt so many negative gestures and comments. I remember, so vividly, the first time I wondered if I would ever be enough, and how that question lingered for years to come.
I remember molding myself for the sake of fitting in with those people who beat me down, over and over again. I remember walking away from my friends for a chance to be one of them, only to be beaten down more by mockery and words that I would never be good enough to be one of them — I was too ugly. I remember being called a slut after one of my so-called friends let word slip that I had been raped. I remember cringing at the thought of getting to school before my friends or staying after my friends left because of the things they could say or do when no one was there to help stand up for me, or me to help stand up for them.
There is so much I remember, as we all do. We all have our own memories. But, there is one thing in particular that sticks out above all else as I think about the inspiration behind this post: for years, I never fought back outside of my own mind.
I don’t remember having the courage to silently, but evidently win. I never had the courage in those middle school years to strip myself of all of the unkind words and the dirty looks and shout without words, THIS IS ME. I AM BEAUTIFUL & I LOVE MYSELF!
But, my daughter does.
My daughter has this courage.
My 11 year-old, middle school daughter has already realized how to win.
She has sacrificed the acceptance kids strive for by covering up the blemishes they believe are there, inside and out.
She has sacrificed the need to be seen as beautiful by other kids her age.
She has sacrificed avoiding the unkind comments as she exposes her face, bare of all makeup.
She has sacrificed the stylish trends by avoiding hair products and perfect up-dos.
She has shouted, THIS IS ME. I AM BEAUTIFUL & I LOVE MYSELF!
My beautiful, kind, brave and bold 11 year-old daughter has sacrificed the risk of being confronted with all of the viciousness that is possible in her creation of #LoveYourselfWeek.
She has given the best dare of all — to be yourself, to love yourself in your most natural state, without makeup and fancy products, at least for one week.
She has exposed herself in ways many people never find the courage for. She believes we shouldn’t have to hide our faces out of fear and a longing to be accepted, or to measure up to someone else’s standards. She believes in what real beauty is and she believes we all have it.
She is right.
She has already won.
***This post originally appeared on www.beyondmom.org***
