Lessons in Religious Education #1
Breakfast. Eggs, tea and toast. Milk for the 7-year-old.
7-year-old: So what do people do in heaven?
Wary adult: They do the things that give them joy.
7-year-old: So I can ride a pony and play with my rabbit that died?
Wary adult: Erm, yes.
7-year-old: So what do people in hell do?
Wary adult: They endure pain and undergo suffering.
7-year-old: But they’re already dead. They can’t suffer any more.
Time to change tack.
Wary adult: Heaven and hell are not real places. They are states of being. In heaven, people are close to God and that gives them happiness. In hell, they are far from God and that makes them very sad.
7-year-old: If they are sorry, can they go back?
Wary adult: Yes, I think so.
7-year-old: If people are bad in hell, do they go in a greater hell? And then greater and greater and greater and greater?
Wary adult: I don’t know. They can’t do more bad things because they’re not physical. They are souls.
7-year-old: So they don’t have guns and swords?
Wary adult: No.
I’m rubbish at this. It’s much easier talking to adults about faith. They’re much more willing to play games with language. Shouldn’t it be easier with children?
I remember my religion and philosophy lecturer. ‘Explain this to me like I’m a two-year-old,’ he would say. ‘No -isms, big words, and grammatically correct, but nonsensical sentences like, “Green quadratic equations lie smiling nicely.”’ Or something like that.
Wary adult: We don’t really know very much about heaven and hell. No-one’s come back to tell us. It’s a mystery.
I’m relieved I’ve invoked mystery. It’s my favourite phrase. But I’m worried it’s becoming phatic and replacing my original intention to further curiosity.
7-year-old: We are all sons of God, aren’t we? Because we’ve all been created by God.
Wary adult: Yes.
7-year-old: So why do Christians call only Jesus the Son of God?
I should have seen this coming.
Wary adult: Well, Christians believe that Jesus is a particularly special son of God.
7-year-old: I can’t believe Jesus healed someone’s cut-off ear!
Wary adult: It’s amazing, isn’t it?
7-year-old: Witches have healing powers too!
She finishes her milk and bounds out of the kitchen. I need coffee.
