Since you left… I have… (fill in the blank)

Since I left… I have… perhaps; snuck a glimpse or two at our photos. I may have lost myself and melted into the audience of my mind’s eye. I replay, then my autistic streak kicks in and I replay.

Since I left I have wondered what the fuck happened, in between the narcotic fog that I missed? I get a flash back of something but not enough to satisfy me. I want to see it again from your eyes. I think I was there but can you tell me the story? Again, but this time through your eyes, for me?

I smile… there are a few parts that make me cringe. Maybe, we’ll one day talk about the latter. This rant is different.

The esoteric series of events that leads me to the Standard, where I leave with parts of me jolted awake and unstandardized. I tried to quietly blend in but the harder I tried the louder you could read the insecurities within. Then, somewhere far, standing on top of white washed floors, I fucking let go… for just a minute, from anything that binds me.

I listed and erased the smiles that goes for miles… that happened to happen around you.

You ruffled my feathers. This cool cat is hot and bothered. Enough to make me stop and listen. Wondering, if there are no mistakes and no coincidences. Its meant for us to grow, then what the fuck was I to learn from this? Any idea- for this Rapunzel, fortified, trying to stay loyal and not disturb the status quo?

I had hoped; my eyes and your eyes would navigate together. Highlighting all the collateral gifts and lessons. But you, I felt you withdraw. Somewhere after you used other skin to distract or avenge how I made you feel. Whether unintentionally or with intention, there was a shift in energy that no fog could cover. I could see it in your eyes after I asked you, whom you had over? Did she provide you with the relief or replacement you needed?

Again, what is it that you need? What was it that you expected that has left you incessant of space from me? All the questions left in the grey, trying to find peace in the fog while it’s so much easier to close this door than actually wait and stay.

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