Struggles of being an ENFP

Don’t worry, even I’m confused…

If you’re wondering what ENFP stands for or means, it’s one of the 16 personality types indicated by the Myers Briggs Personality Indicator. If you’ve never taken a Myers Briggs, I’d recommend taking it just for fun to see where you fall, it only takes around 10 minutes and can be frighteningly accurate.

ENFP means I’m an Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiver. What that boils down to is a ton of confusion and a lot of extremes. Here are some of the struggles of being and ENFP. Sorry if the list is a bit long…

  • Having two settings: Utterly obsessed, or completely uninterested.
  • Imagine taking the average person’s emotional spectrum and then removing the middle. There are only extremes for ENFPs.
  • Because of this we constantly look for steady and grounded people to be around. We find security in them.
  • Loving spontaneity, and stressing out people who like to stick to the plan.
  • Also loving planning things out to minute details. (The hard part is sticking to the plans…)
  • People always thinking I’m asking for advice, when really I just process things out loud.
  • I fluctuate between over-sharing and under-sharing.
  • People underestimating my intelligence because I come off as too fun, upbeat, and silly to be taken seriously.
  • Consistently biting off a lot more than I can chew… and then chewing it because I’m too stubborn to admit my mistake.
  • Acting like a completely different person around different friends because I constantly mold myself to appropriately tend to their emotional needs.
  • Half of the time being extremely confident and spontaneous, and the other half being extremely insecure and shy.
  • Having a bajillion great ideas I can never actually follow through on.
  • Consistent internalization of feelings to prevent conflict, or keep from bothering others.
  • One of my biggest pet peeves is people who always agree just to keep from conflict, please disagree with me! I love learning from others and their opinions!
  • Constantly noticing tiny social fluctuations with friends’ mannerisms and moods, but not bringing them up. If they want to bring it up they will, but the curiosity kills me.
  • Being severely open and trusting, but as soon as that trust is broken being completely done.
  • I will only show you the parts of me I can handle you denying. It takes a lot for me to be able to share with people, because it would hurt more to have the real me denied than to only let people know the shallow me.
  • When I want to talk about something deep with someone, but am scared they don’t want to or don’t care, I’ll just ramble on about superfluous things to change the subject.
  • I love the weird things about people: how they laugh, the way they light up when they talk about things they love, their odd ticks, just the simple things that make them unique.
  • I’m a utter romantic, and a tireless cynic. In theory I love the idea of romantic gestures and being swept off my feet, in reality I just want steady solid love that needs no big gestures but is perfect in its simplicity.
  • People think I’m being nosey, but I really just want to genuinely know people, and sometimes that takes asking hard questions.
  • Constantly struggling to put my thoughts into words. I’m a writer at heart; putting word on paper is much easier for me.
  • I’m a mess of unfinished thoughts, a browser with too many tabs open. I want to do 1000 things at once, and sometimes that in itself is too overwhelming and I have to take a second to breathe.
  • I’m almost never serious, and I’m always too serious. Faithful and detached. Committed and relaxed. Longing for connection yet staying precariously aloof. Loving everyone and yet no one. A sociable loner. Gentle and tough. Either irrationally emotional or completely stoic. Passionate and platonic. In short, predictable in my unpredictability, a plethora of precariously balanced paradoxes.
  • Half of my feelings are just doubts about the other half of my feelings.
  • I constantly make the mistake of assuming everyone is here to be the best version of themselves.
  • Caring way too much, and wishing I didn’t because it makes me feel weak.
  • A constant rebel, I refuse to fit your norms.
  • Appearing shallow because I flit from topic to topic, but really desiring deep meaningful conversations.
  • Aggressively caring about people but not wanting to be clingy about it…
  • Having a strong need to be liked, and hating it. I want everyone to like me, but if they don’t, I refuse to change myself to fit what they want.
  • I hate conflict, but am not afraid to go toe-to-toe with someone about something that means a lot to me.
  • Fighting my emotional side to make sure I’m being rational.
  • Desiring to be alone… but like, with people nearby. Like we don’t have to talk, or even acknowledge each other, but I want you to be near.
  • I’m very blunt. You’ll know where you stand with me at all times. I don’t mean to be rude, I just value honesty too much to lie and say I like someone who I don’t. On the plus side, I do change my mind about people often, so even if we don’t start as friends, I’m always open to turning over new leaves and trying again.
  • Having so much going on in my head that sometimes I can’t even navigate my own thoughts.
  • Inexplicably needing to heal the emotional wounds of others, yet not wanting to push too much to get them to open up.
  • Liking to make friends with introverts because extroverts can be too extroverted, but then needing together time when the introverts don’t.
  • Unfortunately sometimes letting my emotions overpower my intelligence, even though it infuriates me.
  • In almost every situation trying to constantly be aware of everyone’s feelings and how I can best act for their sake, and being upset if others don’t do the same for me, and being more upset that that upsets me.
  • Needing significantly more alone time than other extraverts, but still needing people time. Seriously though finding the balance here is a constant struggle.
  • I’m often overly optimistic to the point of being mildly irrational.
  • Interesting conversations are a necessity, I want to feel like you’re expanding my mind. Capture my attention.
  • Being constantly anxious that I’ve annoyed or upset someone, while at the same time feeling like they can get over it.
  • I can be very impulsive, to the point of being completely unrealistic.
  • I’m a natural leader, but I can’t stand making people feel controlled. I want to lead, but only if you want to follow.
  • Constantly altering and never being able to meet the notion of an ideal self.
  • I’ve become a master at hiding my emotions, I can be completely devastated and will put on a strong face simply to keep those around me comfortable and at ease.
  • Unfortunately always wondering if there is something better out there, when I’ve got great things in front of me already.
  • If you’re being bossy, and tell me to do something, I will refuse even if I was going to do that to begin with. Blame it on the fiercely independent streak.
  • Guys always presume I’m flirting when really I’m just being nice. I’m just a tad blunt if I like things about you, but that doesn’t mean I like you.
  • If you want to date an ENFP… good luck. We may be hopeless romantics, but we’re extremely hard to win and even harder to keep.
  • I cannot feel restricted by someone. If I feel someone is deliberately trying to control or restrict me it will not end well.
  • Social interactions give me my energy, but I hate superficial conversations.
  • Waiting until the absolute last minute to start things, but then being an unstoppable crazy force of creativity and productivity!
  • Always desiring to fit into a group, but refusing to compromise my personality to do so.
  • Constantly contradicting myself because I genuinely see multiple sides to most situations.
  • The internal fight between ‘I have to go out and try everything right now!’ and ‘can I just step back and process all of this real fast?’
  • Unexplainable wanderlust; I’m in love with places I’ve never been and people I’ve never met.

I feel a lot. I have a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I feel, and I feel strongly and sometimes I feel everything all at once, but I’ve finally accepted that emotional is just how I was made, and I don’t have to hide or fix it; I’m not broken. I care, I care a lot. It’s kinda my thing.

Grace and peace,

Faye