My Quiet Confidence

Filter, what’s that? I’ve always admired those that can speak freely, without guilt or care of how it will affect others. The more polarizing or out of context the statement, the more others are drawn to watching how everything will play out. This type of confidence, which can also be mistaken with arrogance brings droves of mindless followers (myself included) to find out what the secret is to breaking away from the norm.

Society for the most part has compartmentalized what it means to be a “model,” citizen. There are rules and guidelines that must be followed. Organized in efficient, neat, and specific paths, each route has a determined outcome that allows for few adjustments. Fear of rejection and ridicule is what keeps most in line.

I envy confidence without boundaries and have always strived to exude this type of power and charisma. Little did I know that I was led astray and needed to adjust my focus.

I’ve always been groomed to follow the rules and not question authority. This to me, is the perfect “worker bee,” mentality. Just do, and don’t ask questions or there will be consequences. Don’t get me wrong, it has served me well but hasn’t gotten me very far in life and in work.

There’s a quiet confidence that I’ve started to develop over the last few years. Understanding the difference between what it means to lead and actually be a leader has helped shaped my understanding of confidence.

Arrogance for the most part is centered around one’s self and nothing else. They strive to ensure that nothing in their world veers from what they believe is the truth. Everything is black and white and consistency must be maintained at the expense of others. Most of the time, people who convey this attribute aren’t aware of what their doing. If they are aware of their arrogance and the impact they have on others, watch out! — you may be dealing with some dangerous and narcissistic behavior that will never change. You have the ability to change the mindsets of arrogant people, but it will take a lot of time, trust, and “worker bee,” mentality before you are given an opportunity to speak objectively, so be prepared.

Confidence requires being comfortable enough in your own skin to show your true self while acknowledging that there is another person in the room. Openly listening first, thinking second, and reacting third are the core traits of confident people. They are also great at empathizing and are constantly scanning the situation to adjust their behavior. Great care, attention to detail and thought goes into a response before one is even conveyed. Great leaders who have perfected this type of confidence can process all of this in a matter of seconds. The end result is to ensure an objective but fair response. The means to an end, all in the name of ensuring that both parties are respected and valued.

While I know myself better, I continue to refine the path I take towards confidence and break away from arrogance. I hold myself accountable for not taking a back seat in life and actively working on being stronger, more confident and happy. I am lucky to have met mentors, family, and friends, who have helped me face my fears head on and challenge me to be better. As I make my way through the beaten path, I finally am able to slough off the shadow of doubt and I am free to just be me — front and center, without taking a step behind someone else.