My Showdown with a Rabid Raccoon & Why I Love Sleeping Outside

Sleep outside, even if it can get crazy at times.

After returning home to San Diego from a Latin-inspired sojourn that spanned México, Panamá, and Guatemala, I decided to try sleeping in my backyard with my tent and sleeping bag. I wish I could tell you that I had a good reason to give it a go. But actually, the idea popped in my mind my first night home and I thought why the heck not.

I had an amazing first night in the backyard that included some light sprinkling, just light enough that I didn’t grab my tarp and instead let the droplets grace my sleeping cheeks. I peacefully slept in the backyard for the next three weeks before I started my next trip… until the night before I was due to leave.

Time & Date: 01:30 AM — 8/7/2022

I wake to my dogs going nuts. I am immediately dumbfounded — this is more than their usual nighttime barking. After yelling for them to shut up, I arise from my tent in search of a light. The solar light that I pick up from the floor is far too dim to see anything. I run into my house in nothing but my boxer briefs to find a flashlight but a headlamp on the closest table will have to do.

Returning to the backyard, I peer underneath our patio to find my dogs in a fight with a raccoon. I am at once shooketh.

Both of my babies are destined to be sizable dogs as German Shepherd is their primary breed. While Heaven is only 7 months old and is on the smaller side, Bear is certainly big enough to handle himself at 15 months old. Despite that, I didn’t want my dogs to potentially catch something from the raccoon, which we’ll name Evilton and presume is male, or get an injury during this bout while they’re still growing.

So, I call my dogs back and slam the gate with Evilton left behind. This is the prime time for him to leave relatively unscathed. But this sucker wants all the smoke.

While we stand back, Evilton climbs up the lower fence and the fence above to reach the patio deck next to where we stood. He wants more!

As my dogs run back up to him to continue the fight, I grab the nearby leaf blower and join in. Like you’d expect, the leaf blower does nothing! So I grab a broom and try to poke him off the fence but he scratches and knocks the broom away while hissing at me. I have now had enough.

I run inside to grab my favorite weapon — the crossbow. Calling my dogs back, Evilton sits on the fence top waiting for my dogs to return to the fight. While he waits, I acquire a clear line of sight and fire an arrow destined for its target from my large, powerful crossbow. The arrow, passing clean through his heart, shoots off into the canyon. Evilton lumbers around atop our fencing trying to keep his footing but quickly succumbs to the blood rushing out of his body and falls over into our canyon.

Consider the smoke received.

I hope that lesson disseminates far and wide throughout our region: don’t mess with the Buncom Backyard Bandits.

Heaven giving Bear a taste of his own medicine

After that ordeal and two hours of being charged up, I went back to sleep. I won’t let that experience drain my fandom of sleeping under the stars — it might even make it slightly cooler. Here are 7 reasons why I plan to prioritize outdoor sleep going forward!

1. The night sky is beautiful. There’s certainly some light pollution in my area so the sky isn’t as clear as a country farm but it was mystical enough. My nighttime outdoor presence sparked conversations with my 11-year-old nephew about the stars, our planet, and the universe. My favorite part: he began sleeping outside with me!
2. Easier to rise early. It helped me better sync my circadian rhythm with the sun, helping me rise earlier and more gradually without an alarm. The sun was my alarm clock… and my dogs.
3. The fresh air is superb! Sure, you can open windows in a bedroom, but the airflow generally doesn’t match up with being outside.
4. The night weather in San Diego is calm and refreshing. As my dad would say, “can’t beat it with a baseball bat.” I am fortunate enough to be sleeping outside in 65-degree weather where I don’t really need my cozy sleeping bag.
5. Fewer artificial distractions. I left my phone inside the house so the potential distractions to keep me awake decreased. Also, there we no TVs or other electrical gadgets to pull my attention.
6. Floor sleeping for the win. The flat surface was good for my back (which years of football didn’t do any kindness). Everyone’s anatomy is different so this might not be as good for you as it was for me.
7. Evolutionarily, sleeping outside just feels right.

Sleeping outside provided me with so much more than I expected. But it wasn’t all “moonshine” and pretty stars — my dogs got on my nerves a few times with their occasional barking and then there was the whole raccoon squabble. But I love my non-human people and I also love sleeping outside, in a safe place.

Cheers to getting outside 🫧