Gender is 100%, completely, totally subjective. Nothing but self-declaration is acceptable or works. Unfortunately, there’s no way around that.
And “Earning Trust” of a phobia unfortunately doesn’t work. I’m all for being compassionate towards those who have phobias, and I’m all for leaving them alone. Unfortunately, “trans” phobia (really, phobia of gender) needs to be faced head-on, and trans people have literally no choice on the matter when they need to take a leak. We tried disappearing and even killing ourselves, but that doesn’t work because we keep being born again.
I live in Brazil. I am abused daily just for walking down a street. I have accepted it and I just ignore it. The entirety of my needs as a person are fulfilled if I can take a piss without either being beaten to death by men that are pissing on a bathroom or beaten to death by other men who show up at a women’s bathroom to beat me up because they don’t understand that if I piss on the other bathroom, men will beat me up to death.
Just let me take a fucking piss in peace, and I can handle the rest. “Criticize gender” as much as you want, and I won’t give a shit about it.