You are right. By “darkest hour” I mean my privileged, over-“educated” ass not being able to handle some kind of inconvenient mental cramp. I don’t mean any real dark hour such as what the massive marginalized bottom of this world society goes through, like poverty, oppression, humiliation, marginalization, famine, war, genocide, incarceration, rape, torture, dismemberment and execution.
I fundamentally do not understand this gift of life as an animal. As animals we are primal, and this also was given to us. Monkey is squeezed in its physical animal dimension, then monkey bash thing or other. It hurt.
But the mental cramp state (my “dark hour,” LOL) is apparently self-healing if I take all the socio-cultural-economic privilege and security that I was gifted and I don’t single-handedly squander it by engaging a constant effort to go insane due to my sheer “spiritual” incompetence.
Then I can see I have no real reason to bash things and smear shit in walls like an angry monkey, and I can realize all I have left to do is to chill. And when monkey truly chills, monkey experiences the good side of the gift. Monkey no bash thing anymore. Monkey bask in some sort of mysterious warm light.
Surprisingly, it is then I see I can do powerful things to help the other monkeys. If I don’t detach from the pain of the other monkeys, I just spiral down. I just can’t look into that mental abyss or I fall, every time.