Dear “Child”

For the past couple of days, awon guys kan on social media kan shebi were. Ko si wahala, we will attend to your ilk shortly.
This is a long “hypothetical” letter to all the women in my life who are growing and yet unborn. I’ll like to have a word with your inner child. Sometimes, the messages differ when you consider the recipient.

Hello little one,

How are you? I have been thinking. You know how life tends to be somewhat harder for your kind, let’s talk about that. First, you need to realize, your very existence is a blessing. You’re a blessing and I don’t mean that in a generic term. Life works in tandems, I realized this earlier in life. Have you seen a double horsed carriage before? How do you think one horse doesn’t decide to outrun the other? . I can’t give you advice on how to best live your life, what to do or not do but I can tell you a few things I have learned.

  1. Real excellence is gender indifferent. Build and keep building. Learn and keep learning. Ask and question. No one knows it all. If an ideology seems off, question it. You see, people tend to think things should remain the same only when it favors them. If you think a story makes you sad, rewrite it. Not with words but with action.
  2. Be known for what you love and be very good at it. Let people come to trust you on things you stand as an authority on. This is important because in the end, it’s what you want that really matters.
  3. Be fair to people. If a man or a woman touches you in a way you don’t like, be vocal about it. Don’t take shit from anyone, kick ’em in the balls. People tend to want to cheat others. Don’t let them take advantage of you.
  4. There’s no one way to do things. Believe me, there isn’t a rule that says you have to be xyz before something happens to you. Life also thrives on chaos and try as much as you can to channel that to your advantage, you’ll never know.
  5. I’ve been selfish, full of pride and arrogant often than not, other times, I have been giving, humble, and contrite. We’re humans, we make mistakes. I don’t see pride and arrogance as one, neither is selfishness. My point is, be proud when you want to be and humble only when you want to be. Let no one, man or woman or transgender make you feel your life is tied in subservience to them. Give people what they deserve not what they demand.
  6. Somethings you might be confused about. Talk to me. I’ll always be here. The only one you should ever want to prove anything to is yourself. Push yourself for yourself. Just take a look at me. I’m not perfect, I can’t be. No one can be but in some things that we tend not to think much about and some other ideas we trade without thought, always remember you are accountable to yourself and maybe the law when it isn’t being an ass.
  7. You’re smart, you have my genes. Smarter even, from your mother's genes. She’s smarter than I am, she’s more accepting of people and ideas. You have her kindness and my understanding. Use them. Develop your own path. Go beyond the reef if you feel the ocean calls out to you. Trust me to understand eventually even if I don’t see it initially.
  8. I know things can get rough, don’t go around thinking you always have to be tough. You have my shoulder to cry on. Tears can be helpful sometimes. I know I have shed a few in moments of intense frustration. It happens to the best of us, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You owe the world nothing and it owes you nothing.
  9. Forge partnerships. Give and takes. Always with those who bring something tangible to the table. Not everything is useful. I won’t treat you differently from your brothers except when dancing with you if you eventually decide marriage is your thing [I’ll like to play a live band once with all of you though, we’ll perform for your mum. Let her upgrade her music taste]. Yeah, I know it isn’t a do or die thing but sometimes, trustworthy companionship is needed.
  10. It builds up and sometimes, it tears down. It’s your perception that informs a lot of decisions you make. I’ve been down a version of this road you’re on before, maybe not exactly the same but there will be similarities. If I haven’t experienced it before, we can always talk about it or I’ll refer you to someone who does. It’s only life, it’s only fair and natural that sometimes we end up in a rabbit hole with people and things we have never met before, the trick is to not freak out and learn, unlearn and learn again.
  11. Fall in love, I beg you. You might get hurt but it happens, there is no such thing as “the one”, only who you are currently in love with except maybe until you get married even then divorce is still an option if you’re not happy. Always be happy child. That’s what life is all about in the end, isn’t it? Some people just make it a point to make others sad in the pursuit of happiness. Don’t be one of those. Never be one of those.
  12. Every once in a while we meet someone who believes in us as much as our dreams. Appreciate them. Love them. Respect them. But never let them be your god. You are your own god. Never balk from telling people they are full of shit, with tact sometimes though.
  13. We are all equal but since humanity is a caste driven species, sometimes you might get the short end of the stick. If you can do something about it, do it and make it loud! You deserve to be heard. [Just don’t try that shit with me when I say no #bbnaija. 🙄 Know the people you’ll be trying that sturvs with, make you look my eye well. I be correct thug. 😑]
  14. Go anywhere you want with Pepper spray and tasers. You know how we do these things. Anybody to ba sha falafolo gun ni fork labiya.
  15. We can discuss anything over a bottle of whiskey when you’re 18+ as you rise from your burning fear of having edgy conversations with me. I won’t tell your mum[Best we keep her in the dark about some things. She freaks out easily.]
  16. Tell me when I am wrong, just chook small respeck. We no be age mates sha and my yoruba blood thick gaan.
  17. Know your current worth and seek to increase it.
If they know you can be mad, they will respect you.

Notice how I said little about men? You’re self sufficient. You can always pay them to carry stuff for you. *wink* On feminism? Do you! I never really liked tags either way. Love isn’t the goal, Happiness is.

Always have your feet on solid ground and…. Have fun you little imp. 😂

Inspired by

  1. Zainab Aiyeleso article [https://medium.com/@zainab.aiyeleso/no-way-you-can-do-that-ok-prove-it-609e8a8ff9e3#.fipkcozf8] .
  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoLTPcD1S4Q [They say I should stop sharing Apple Music link]
  3. A conversation about cats and fatherhood.
  4. The love and respect for ladies around me and an acknowledgement of the issues they have to deal with as a result of their gender and the fact that people are generally just dicks.
  5. Timi Ajiboye’s meme.
  6. Life.