Bed Head

Earlier this morning, I was feeling a little rough. So in honor of the occasion I sent a pic of my bed head poking out from under the covers to a friend. In return they sent me an image that can be best described as “less than flattering”. I think it’s safe to say, misery loves company and in the end we hopefully cheered each other up.

While it’s nice to be able to be honest with others, it’s especially good to be honest with ourselves. When you live in the midst of depression and self-loaving, you grasp at every straw that offers a glimmer of hope or positive energy. My bookshelf is full of self-help and positive thought books, that were suppose to increase my energy and recharge my life. Sadly what I ended up doing was becoming more disappointed with myself, when all the affirmations and happy thoughts don’t work. (That would make a great book title, hum?).

Anyway it wasn’t until I got real with how I was feeling about myself that I finally ended up getting some relief. First was the Kindle book “Love Yourself” by Kamal Ravikant. In it Kamal talks basically about loving yourself warts and all, and improving oneself from there. Next was a similar book by Oliver Burkeman titled, “The Antidote”. In it Burkeman discusses his search for positive energy through traditional self-help seminars and life courses, what he ended up discovering was contentment through, you guessed it, making peace with one’s self.

These and other books helped me get to the root of my problem which was I hated myself. Also by listening to the noise between my ears; I was missing the point that the only moment that I have any control over is here and now, not yesterday or tomorrow. It is these few truths that have brought me the most peace of mind and contentment I so long sought.

In closing let me also say, laughing at myself has always been a defensive mechanism to keep the bullies at bay. But now instead of using laughter as a defense, I also use it as an offensive weapon. In that by not taking myself too seriously, I’m learning to roll with my flaws. To become less judgmental of myself and to learn to correct my mistakes through love instead of through hate.