Your Words Matter
Words, and language have always fascinated me. Over the years my experience with words has brought me to appreciate their effect and cultivate the ones that enrich my life.
The power of words
When I discovered Chinese calligraphy 20 years ago, the Chinese characters occurred to me as enigmatic signs I was unable to decipher but somehow intrigued me.
My weekly Mandarin lessons at that time, gave me access to understanding certain characters. The first time I held a brush to paint my first strokes was exhilarating and frustrating. I could feel and see the connection between the character I painted and my state of mind. When I was eager and expecting the perfect stroke, my character looked tense and rigid. When I was calm and breathing with awareness, there was more flow and space in my character. One day, my colleague’s mother was ill and I offered him a calligraphy with the Chinese character “health” (健康) that I painted almost like a prayer, a silent whisper for her recovery.
Words that connect, words that divide
I came across Marshall Rosenberg’s work on Non Violent Communication (NVC), and I was immediately hooked. How many times did I say “I should” with a feeling of disempowerment instead of “I choose to” or “I choose not to”. The choice of words matters. How I communicate through words either connects me with people (or myself) or divides. More important than the meaning, is the intention or vibration used with the word. The tone says it all. This week I took on having a truthful conversation and solved a conflict that was draining me. It was hard but liberating.
Being your word
I grew up with a father who had strong principles, and for whom integrity was not some ideal goal to pursue but a way of living. As a child, I respected and sometimes feared him because I knew the weight of his words. As an adult, I can see how I adopted some of his principles and being my word is important to me. I hate being late and breaking promises. I set high standards for myself and others, which create a certain expectation, and eventually lead to disappointment. I read that the key is to have high standards and low expectations, a complete paradox for me!
Your words create your world
The idea is how I perceive the world actually shapes my reality. I experienced this last year, when I was grieving for my father. My partner and I argued frequently. I was feeling resentful and upset that he was not meeting me in my sorrow. What happened was I expected him to be somebody else, my “ideal soul mate”, when in reality he was just being himself. I dropped the idea of my husband that I had constructed over the years, and I got to meet a new person. It comes back to my choice of words, that reflect my perspective.
What words are you choosing today?
