Chocolate

I only recently realized the reason I overeat chocolate is fear. It took me over 2 years to come to this simple realization, one might even say it took my entire life. Being mindful of my feelings and of how I eat finally led me to this moment.

As soon as I put a piece of chocolate in my mouth, my whole body starts instantly craving the next piece. Before I hardly started chewing the first bite, my mind is already thinking about the next, and the next, and the next. My body is deeply afraid there might not be a next one. The fear is so intense, I can’t even enjoy the very thing I’m afraid of losing. I eat thinking about how much more I want to eat, and when I’m going to run out.

Now, when I eat a piece of chocolate, I tell my mind that I’m safe and I tell my body it will always have chocolate because I’m never ever again going to deprive myself of chocolate, or any food for that matter. I went out and bought a whole pile of chocolate bars to prove to myself I was not going to run out anytime soon. The pile is there, in the kitchen, and I help myself to a small piece or two twice or three times throughout the day.

I haven’t binged on chocolate since I acknowledged my fear. The fear still exists, and all of its manifestations still surface every time I eat chocolate. I remind myself that I’m safe and that I’m never going to run out. And my body instantly calms down and I’m able to finally enjoy the piece that is in my mouth.

Chocolate without fear tastes a lot better.