How often do we distract ourselves so as to avoid admitting what our core self already knows even within the pretending to not know what we do in fact know?
When we reach the point of questioning and doubting with thoughts such as, ‘I don’t know if this job is right for me!’ — ‘I don’t know if I am compatible with this person!’ — ‘I don’t know if I should enter into this business deal/partnership!” — the truth of the matter is… you do already know the answers to these questions otherwise your core self would not feel conflicted, and intuitively, you would not feel out of alignment with the essence of who you authentically are.
Living Fearlessly with Lisa McDonald global radio/podcast guest, Kute Blackson, so succinctly and so articulately, simplifies what we as human beings have the compulsion to complicate for ourselves based upon the fear of rejection, abandonment, and the false belief that living a lie is easier than acknowledging what we already know to be the truth. I felt akin to Kute, and long before we ever hit the airwaves. Many others; especially those within the space, would also echo my sentiments given that Kute Blackson is widely considered the next generation leader in the world of personal development by everyone ranging from Larry King, Jack Canfield (whom I have also interviewed), Marianne Williamson, Don Miguel Ruiz, John Gray, and the list continues.
To further extrapolate upon my soul-inspiring interview with Kute, I wish to also contribute my own perspective as it relates to Kute’s own profound messaging. It is quite likely that the majority of readers here, can relate to or identify with, hindsight 20/20. The ease and the easiness of clarity often arrives for us in the retrospective moments — when we have reached the time and space of having moved on from a facet of our once-upon-a-time former self within a former chapter of our lives. Healing is its own form of clarity and closure. Rather than relying upon an external person or circumstance to provide this for us, especially when knowing that this is not a guaranteed or even a realistic expectation in most instances — our choosing to go within so as to question and evaluate the deeper underlying meanings for why we suppressed our own self-truths — why we chose to abandon our own instincts, inclinations, feelings… is genuinely where our area of focus is solely required. When we choose to value ourselves, honour ourselves, and respect ourselves by deeming ourselves to be equally worthy and deserving as anyone else external to us — it is within this validation and acknowledgement that we in fact reclaim ourselves. Empowering ourselves to be(come) self-empowered and attuned to the essence of who we individually are is what liberates us. Owning and declaring our truth is what releases us from unnecessary pain. Being staunch in our ability to proclaim or render a definitive yes or a definitive no in any given situation is what keeps us integral with self.
Compromising our values for the sake of appeasing others in the hopes to win peoples so-called affections is to delay the inevitable with respect to incurring dis-satisfying results. Ignoring our inner voice for the purpose of not wanting to upset the apple-cart is counter-intuitive. No matter each persons threshold or bandwidth for putting up or shutting up, eventually the facade always gets exposed for what it is. Stifling ones own truth does not come without the cost of dire residual impact. Lying to oneself — concealing, dismissing, fabricating the truth of what one thinks,feels, believes, wants and needs at their core level of self is to rob oneself of our own inner-joy…our own equilibrium. A person of sound judgement would never elect to voluntarily or knowingly ingest poison or purposely walk into oncoming traffic or dive into the ocean without knowing how to swim. We are predisposed and hardwired to keep ourselves physically safe and physically alive. And yet, when it comes to our spiritual survival, we are often asleep at the switch. We convince ourselves that suffering in silence or discrediting ourselves is somehow a selfless act — a gesture of love — a justifiable trade-off — a badge of honour — proof of loyalty. We are conditioned and indoctrinated with the false beliefs and the false concepts which purports that our goal in life so as to keep the peace is to make everyone else happy in life with the exception and at the exclusion of ourselves. How many generations of people have swallowed and bought into this? Who has embraced this as wholehearted truth? Who has to the best of their ability tried to fulfill a prescribed role with the script they were handed, and for which they unquestioningly accepted? Who has done so with the expressed or implied message of it being for the greater good of all?
How many people have allowed themselves to be guilted and shamed into depression, identity-crisis, suicide, marriage, divorce, careers, relationships, religion, abuse, anxiety, eating disorders, bullying, hate, discrimination, prejudice, violence because of someone else’s truth circumventing and taking priority over our own core truth? Why is it that the human condition for what has become commonplace in our society is seemingly less about what is humane and more about what is conditional? How can it ever be acceptable or tolerable for anyone to expect or to demand of themselves that their inner anguishing and spiritual/emotional perishing is what is in the overall best interest for the collective? How does anyone win or benefit within this life-model? In the world of business we say, ‘The client comes first.’ In the world of personal relationships we say, ‘I come last.’ And then we wonder why we struggle and suffer and feel out of alignment within our own relationship with self. People wonder why other people become so angry, and so consumed with resentment and regret. It is not difficult to connect the dots on this one. If we are willing to believe our own lies does it not then lay the foundation for becoming a liar? We fall prey to believing other peoples lies because they too are in denial about their own truth, and then the next thing you know — we are all pointing the accusatory finger at each other as to who is to blame for the lack of transparency and forthcomingness we feel we have been on the receiving end of. We are apt to blame other people for how they supposedly cause us feel at the same time we simultaneously deny our own selves of what it is we truly feel. We resent others for supposedly misleading us when all the while we are ultimately responsible for doing the exact same with ourselves hence the breakdown in truth-telling and truth-living. It is more comfortable to hold other people to a higher standard of expectation than it is for us to hold our own selves personally responsible and personally accountable for doing the same. We talk at length about the disservice it is and becomes to enable other people and yet we are most susceptible to enabling ourselves. We teach our children to believe that telling the truth is the right thing to do; the right way to behave and conduct ourselves in the face of the rest of the world, and yet we make exceptions to this rule when it applies to ourselves.
If there were no truth to any aspect of what I have chosen to express then how do we collectively explain peoples incessant need for the self-help section in the bookstores? Or the rise in psychotropic medication being prescribed and administered? Or the increased need for sought out therapy and counselling? Or the epidemic spike in hate crimes and suicides? Undertaking to face the truth and to own the truth may initially appear daunting a task, and yes, taking the necessary steps to confront and address the truth may feel initially overwhelming, however, the alternative is guaranteed to be(come) more debilitating and paralyzing if left submerged. Shifting global consciousness starts with self. Asking others to fix, remedy or reverse their course of action before willingly committing and pledging ourselves to doing the same is not viably realistic nor is it intuitively sound. Please do not expend your energies or invaluable time worrying about what I or anyone else may think of you as a result of you choosing to own your own truth. The truth of the matter is…”I want for you what you want for you.” (Byron Katie)
Originally published at livingfearlesslywithlisa.com on December 16, 2018.