How long? Ufff. Too long. Let me think. I guess now it’s gonna be 6 years since my last relationship. It’s been tough.
I kind of started to give up after a certain time. You know, it’s really hard to approach a woman without scaring her when you’re a cannibal. I mean, there’s no way of complimenting a girl without her thinking you want to eat her. “You seem very sweet” has gotten me into trouble. “You have very nice skin, thighs, breasts”? Forget about it. “You are looking very tasty today, Susan” earned me a restriction order from Susan from Accounting.
I’ve also had so many misunderstandings, it’s frustrating. Some girls think I’m joking when I say I’m a cannibal -because of my name: Hannibal- or assume I’m just sort of kinky when I tell them I want to eat them, and then get all scared when I try to bite them while watching a movie or playing mini golf. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had pepper spray on my face. And to make it worse, I really like pepper and when I lick my face, it gets super confusing.
All this makes me regret how things ended with Karen, my last girlfriend. I really miss her. I haven’t been able to let go of her completely. Actually I have some of her frozen in a Tupperware.
But enough about me. Tell me about yourself. Is this your first Tinder date?