Self-Destruction

Sometimes you have to be the flood that wipes out everything in your life.

When it’s been 12 years at the same job and you have not advanced even though people who came in with and after you have. When you have been trying for YEARS to get that one bachelor’s degree but could not because you found it too exhausting to go to work and school despite the fact that everyone else does it and despite that fact that you are paying for the student loans. When you have tried to pay down your debt but end up adding to it because you are trying to buy happiness and fulfillment in books, clothes, concerts, eating out with friends and anything else that distracts you. When you try to lose weight but fail because food is a helluva drug, even though you are on 3 blood pressure medications and ran up a $14,000 medical bill because you thought you were having a stroke and went to the emergency room and they took one look at your weight and decided to keep you overnight to run all kinds of tests only to deduce that it wasn't a stroke. When your best friend is no longer a supporter but an enabler, and you are the same to her because you feed off of and into each other’s self-doubt, loneliness, gluttony, fear, complacency, judgemental riffs on other people because we both feel stuck with no possible way out. When the guy you have been in love with for years acts like a bird, coming to your yard to feed and poop and frolic but flies away when you get a little too close. When it begins to bother you that you kept your distance from your family but still hurt when you are not able to make it to the reunions, the cookouts and the holiday gatherings. When all of these things are weighing down on you like a brick house on a shaky foundation and there is no more patch work to be done, that’s when you become Noah.

You are Noah and the God in you is telling you that She is about to destroy this world that is your life. And your mind is the arc. And in this arc you will place only those things that will create a better world for yourself: Courage. Purpose. Responsibility. Discipline. Supportive Relationships. Love. And one day, when the flood waters have settled, you will become a dove and fly away into a new world.