A day of thinking

I wrote to someone that I was losing my sense of self. Could be that I lost it from not being too happy at my job, not being entirely passionate with a project, or even the fact that I just ended a very good relationship. Judging from the quiet stroke of my lacrimal gland… the last one hit me the most.

Still, it’s fair to say that my feelings are an assembly of different circumstances happening to me simultaneously. And as much as I want to change it, it hasn’t been that easy to feel extraordinarily comfortable as I have in the past

Now I understand that life never calls for comfort. There are mini discomforts, like getting up in the morning, or the dread of exercising, but every activity has a degree of discomfort that pumps our heart rate and swings our mood to a ridiculous amount from time to time. Author Charles Duhigg in the beginning of his bestseller, the Power of Habit, describes an experiment involving rats’ heart rate. It explains how, during a process, heart rate starts high and goes slower in time. On the contrary, the achievement (a chocolate) becomes more exciting that the rat’s heart rate rises overtime.

So discomfort isn’t meant to be comforting. But with time and purpose, our sensitivity and perspective towards a discomfort become balanced.

So I did a day of thinking yesterday and this is what I can conclude (for now). Sounds simple, but during a hard time, I believe that one is able to be more comfortable going through a hard day’s work with it in mind. This is not to say that I will be able to heal when more heartbreaks come my way, but with everything else, a comfortable future is as much of a prize to me as what that chocolate is for the rat — it gives me a purpose.

Have a day off to think. A company of yarn or paint is recommended.