Why You Are Not as Inclusive as You Think
Confessions of a normal person
We are all inclusive, aren’t we? We understand each other and their problems, right? Of course, we don’t exclude anyone or any group! How can you say that?
Right. Or so I thought.
One day, back in Europe, I was taking a train for a trip to a neighboring city. In the afternoon, I came back. I boarded the train, drove to the final station and got off. There I had to walk up some stairs to a bridge that connected to the rest of the city. I didn’t think much of it — you know, stairs.
But one day, I looked back and I wondered: How would a disabled person come up to the bridge? There was no ramp, there was no elevator. And we’re not just talking about a few steps, it was a two to three stories high staircase. There is no way, someone in a wheelchair could ever get up there. So which idiot designed that damn train station? Didn’t they spend five minutes on checking for inclusive access?
That’s an obvious case of “not inclusive”. And it still happened on a large construction project. Now just think of how many times you didn’t think of someone else’s perspective!
I have lived most of my life in Europe, a short while in Japan, and now in Canada. My wife is coming from a middle-eastern country. I don’t claim expertise, but I’ve seen some stark cultural differences between all four places. And it really does open your eyes — experiencing other cultures (not just traveling there).
There are so many every-day items or actions that we take for granted, for “normal”. Growing up in a western society, it was pretty normal, e.g., to have 21 C room temperature, I always eat with knife and fork, at a table. I’m used to snow, and I didn’t have an air-conditioning system at home. Then I went to Japan: chopsticks, sitting on tatami floor, air-condition (otherwise you’d just boil to broth in summer). Then I met my wife: spoon and fork, not used to snow, 26 C room temperature. These are just scratching the surface of the obvious differences.
But then, there are behavior differences, understanding and conceptual differences. And this is where it get’s tricky. This is where you learn how limited your thinking is and where you actually learn diplomacy.
A striking difference, e.g., is how we live together as family. In western society, it’s pretty much expected that young people leave their home when they go to college (some even earlier). They probably move to a different city, maybe even different country. The family would meet a few times a year, but other that that, the young generation is pretty much on their own. Later, they get a job, move to yet another place, build their own family there. We live rather decoupled from each other, and honestly, we also enjoy that freedom sometimes. Then on the other hand, you have middle-eastern family structure: Large families, all living in relatively close proximity (same city, same street even). Frequent visits to and from more or less distant family members lighten up the evenings. Children only move away when they have their own family, and even then, not far. Staying together is very important, it offers support and security. Suddenly, moving to another city, let alone another country, becomes a serious issue.
It is not only the material differences, that we have to learn to adapt to (e.g. too much sugar and fat in western food, raw fish in Japanese, lots of rice in middle-eastern), but also differences in our ways of thinking and our expectations. This journey of learning new cultures is a long one. You can’t just visit some exotic country for two weeks, have fun, eat some strange food and then go home and think you experienced a different culture. It takes much more than that. I think, only when you had to use the health-care system at least once (Canada, I’m looking at you), and only when you lived with a family of that culture in their style for a few months, you begin to understand the differences.
It is here, that I have to confess, that I really do not understand so many cultures on this planet. I read news about Sudan, South America, India. Sure, I can get an idea when it comes to science, economy — numbers. But I have no idea, what their world looks like, and how they live. Whenever I meet someone of a culture that I don’t know, I have to be very careful about what I say and how I act.
Suddenly, those “cross-cultural education courses” at the university don’t seem so stupid, do they?!
The same is true for disabled people, for sub-cultures in your own country that you’re not a part of, sexual orientation, etc. The more you really understand what impact misunderstandings can have (e.g. suddenly a compliment is interpreted as an insult), the less convinced and sure you are of your own way of living — which is a good sign.
PS: I hope you like what you read. If you want to read more of my stories, feel free to follow me here on Medium! Cheers, Felix
