“How to Overcome Congestion and Help a Displaced Mucus Family Get Back on Their Feet”

In 5 Easy Steps

1. Congested? Time to take matters into your own hands. Go to your local pharmacy and pick up an over the counter expectorant. You’ll be back to your old self in no time.

2. Coughing? Great. Once you have gotten some rest and coughed up a full mucus family you will be feeling much better. However, now you have a whole new set of problems- what do you with a homeless mucus family?

3. First, don’t feel guilty. Just because you were solely responsible for putting a family out on the streets doesn't mean you should feel bad. It’s your body. It’s the mucus family’s fault for investing literally everything they had into your lungs.

4) Focus on finding this family a new home. Start in the real estate section in your local paper or the Internet. The Internet is a valued resource when it comes to housing listings. They will want to move into someone else’s lungs. Encourage them to break the cycle.

5) Explain the value of night school to the mucus father. A dirty white tank top, newsboy type hat, and a Brooklyn accent do not represent one well when looking for career in today’s modern workforce. Position your criticism of the family’s missteps in a helpful manner. A mucus family will take time to deal with their new surroundings, especially if they have young mucus children.

6) Once the mucus family is back on their feet, feel free to stay in touch through email or handwritten note. Don’t forget the holidays!