A First Timer’s Guide to Interracial Dating

This is in no way meant to break down the 101 Ways to Enter the Interracial Dating Scene. Truth is, I haven’t quite entered into it myself. Although I have tossed the idea back and forth over the years in some sad game of “could I or could I not,” it wasn’t until now that I seriously considered that my future husband may check a race box that differs from mine.

I’m currently a digital nomader living abroad in Bali. A few months before my move here, I decided to end a five and a half year relationship with a man that I thought I would marry. He was African-American. So was the guy before him and the one that I sort-of-dated after.

Now here I am in Southeast Asia where there are less Black people than in any other region of the world. (At least I’m assuming so.) I’m six months into singledom and am getting a strong urge to be entertained by my male counterparts. I even joined Tinder. Hello, Desperation…my name is Felicia.

While swiping through Tinder, I discovered two things very quickly. The first, don’t use dating apps in towns with a population of 30,000 or less. Two, if Blacks are considered a minority in America, we are even more of a rarity in most of the rest of the world.

And here lies my challenge. Am I really ready to date outside of my race?

I once dated a Filipino guy named Mike from Long Beach. He was amazing. We had fun frolicking through the streets of LA for a few months. I liked Mike a lot, but I never really thought of Mike as a potential husband. I was still young and simply having fun.

Now that I’m thirty, the game of dating has introduced new rules. I’m not interested in just having fun. Fun is good and it’s important, but at my age, fun may have long-term effects. All of which I am completely open to, with the right partner. So when I think of dating, I think of my potentials. Is he someone I would marry?

Thanks to Tinder, Bali, and the really good looking guy in my co-working office, I’m now considering my options. My biggest fear is that dating a non-Black man would conflict my strong views of being a Black woman in this world. I am realizing that no man can ever define or subtract from my queendom, Black or not. All I can ask for is a partner who appreciates all that I am, even though he will never get to walk a day in my shoes.

So here’s to exploring new options (and deleting that awful Tinder account.)

Wish me luck!

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